if i were you were you were you
—Wanda Coleman
If I was you
I’d grow out my hair
And tuck my shirt
In my underwear
If I was you
I’d get me a tan
I’d drive a red truck
And drink like a man
If I was you
I’d get a good job
Stop dressing like a fool
And looking like a slob
Stop acting stupid
Making up your rhyme
Get outta bed early
Chew thirty-seven times
you say a lot more
than you ever really do
who ever said
that i wanna be you?
by Richard W. Bray
You’re a mean little phony
From your head to your shoes
The fake, fake smile
Of a fake like you
Your tongue is infected
Like the words you spew
The fake, fake charm
Of a fake like you
There’s a blade in the back
For everyone you knew
The fake, fake friendly
Of a fake like you
You said we were perfect
You’d always be true
The fake, fake love
Of a fake like you
Everybody learns
And now I know it too
The fake, fake heart
Of a fake like you
By Richard W. Bray
some say the most important thing is to calmly talk about your depression. wrong. the most important thing is to throw sand in its eyes, beat it with a sock full of quarters, then toss your depression in an Arby’s dumpster
—Beth, my spiritual adivsor
There ain’t no happy place
Where good times always last
You need to grab your misery
And kick its little ass
There ain’t no place to hide
There ain’t no happy pills
Don’t make up stupid stories
To wish away your ills
There ain’t no easy road
There ain’t no magic spell
Everything that’s worth a damn
Is gonna hurt like hell
Beat the blues down
When it bears its ugly head
It’s coming back tomorrow
Every day until you’re dead
By Richard W. Bray
And once they have you, safe and sound,
They want to change you all around.
—Dorothy Parker
I can change him
I can fix him
Make him do
Just what I say
I can bend him
I can mold him
Like a big ole
Ball of clay
I’ll carve him up
Like a banana
He’ll be my
Special toy
If you want
To own a man
Treat him like
A little boy
Men are helpless
Men are silly
Men are stupid
Men are weak
I can guide him
I can dress him
I can change
The way he speaks
He don’t know
No better
He’s a senseless
Waste of life
I’ll own the pockets
In his pants
I’ll own his nuts
I’ll be his wife
I’ll put his ass to work
I’ll never let him slip
I’m doing him a favor
Just watch me crack my whip
by Richard W. Bray
Sanctimony and masochism are two sides of the same coin.
—Richard W. Bray
Lazy drunken losers
Stupid punks & fools
I call em as I see em
But I don’t make the rules
Homeless doped-out drifters
Squatting in the street
Helpless hopeless vagrants
No shoes on their feet
Nasty nutty morons
A perpetual disgrace
They sour my disposition
And crinkle up my face
Filthy smutty floozies
They’re out of control
Hardening my heart
They muddy up my soul
Judgement and resentment
Impair your mental health
Swing your blade around
Till you mutilate yourself
By Richard W. Bray
O fairest of all creation, last and best
Of all God’s works, creature in whom excelled
Whatever can to sight or thought be formed
—John Milton, Paradise Lost
the sunshine in your laughter
the poetry in your style
the wiggle in your swagger
the music in your smile
your wicked sense of humor
your feet, your face, your hair
the fire in your anger
the fancy in your flare
the tender in your strength
the lovely in your heart
you’re a trillion times more
than the sum of your parts
every thing about you
every little part
knocks me on my bootie
you’re my favorite work of art
by Richard W. Bray
Every time he gives a speech
He fills up the hall
Bernie makes my skin crawl
Always trying to help the people
Such incredible gall
Bernie makes my skin crawl
He doesn’t bow down
When the billionaires call
Bernie makes my skin crawl
Trying to fix the country
With his commie cabal
Bernie makes my skin crawl
I’m paid to tell lies
And make heroes look small
Bernie makes my skin crawl
by Richard W. Bray
We’re good together
It’s ready to start
Will I jump over the moon
Or get kicked in the heart?
I hear a song playing
For me and for you
Is it Over the Rainbow?
Or Little Boy Blue?
I’m a little bit timid
If you’ll pardon my scars
Does this stairway go down
Or straight to the stars
I’ve been here before
And it didn’t end well
Will you be my salvation
Or my ticket to hell?
By Richard W. Bray
Parents used to tell their kids
Just go outside and play
Now they’re scared to let them out
We lock them up all day
Parents used to give their kids
Active, sporty toys
A set of blocks, a rubber ball
For healthy girls and boys
Get outside and move around
Every boy and girl
Engage your body and your mind
And feel this living world
By Richard W. Bray
masochism is lots of fun
my psyche is a loaded gun
I maximize my agony
by blaming everything on me
masochism is really cool
a crackerjack survival tool
I got booze and chemistry
to lubricate my misery
masochism is my best friend
we’ll be together till the end
it puts my nerves on overdrive
and makes me feel so alive
by Richard W. Bray
