Archive for October, 2009

The House of the Dead

October 30, 2009

The House of the Dead

Terrence, Timmy, Becky and Fred
Went to visit The House of the Dead
Terrence was frightened but Becky said,
“C’mon guys, it’s just an old shed”
Timmy stammered, “Did you hear about Ned?
He disappeared the night he was wed.
His widow claims that although he fled
Spirits dragged him back to the House of the Dead”

Becky said, “Timmy, you’re just a scardy cat.
Ned went back to pick up his hat.”
“I heard,” said Fred “That he found his hat
But lost his life. How about that?”
“You know,” Said Terrence, “I think we should scat
Cuz’ I just saw a big black cat.”
Then Tommy bumped into a great big bat
And screamed for his mommy who had warned him that

The House of the Dead was no place to play
And prudent people knew to stay away
But Becky was fearless on that fateful day.
She continued down the spooky walkway
Terrence and Timmy turned and ran away
But Fred got up the nerve to say,
“Now Becky you know I’d rather not stay
But I couldn’t just leave you alone that way.”

Becky said, “Terrence, do what you will
I’m not about to miss out on a thrill.”
Terrence shrugged off a great big chill
And followed her up the haunted hill
The two trekked on by force of will
And boldly ignored with majestic skill
The squeals and screeches, wicked and shrill
Made by spirits that maim and kill

After they opened the creaking door
She grabbed his arm and they walked ‘cross the floor
Then they saw what they were looking for
Grisly guts and gruesome gore
And a hideous specter which they could not ignore
Appeared behind them and locked the door
He said, “Have a seat, I do implore
And I’ll tell you a story about the woman I adore

Her name is Rebecca, just like you
She died in Seventeen Seventy-Two
When a man named Oliver Sutton Drew
Shot her and her lover, Winthrop Larue
Oliver died a young man too
He was sent to the gallows for the people he slew
Now the three of us have nothing to do
But frighten poor young fools like you.”

Two bloody bodies appeared next to Fred
Their faces filled with terror and dread
Becky grabbed a bar made of lead
And threw it through the window next to the bed
As one of the ghosts removed its head
They tried to climb out then dove instead
They followed their trail back where it led
And never returned to The House of the Dead

by Richard W. Bray

A Monster’s Worst Nightmare

October 29, 2009

A Monster’s Worst Nightmare

There was a dragon in my room
I slew him with a fork and spoon
And cooked it on my brand new grill
My mom and dad couldn’t get their fill

A vampire tried to bite my neck
I turned and said, “Hey, what the heck?”
Some garlic and a gilded cross
Showed that feller who was boss

While walking on a moonlit night
A werewolf tried to pick a fight
But I showed him my silver knife
And he went running for his life

A haunted house is where I play
And when a ghost gets in my way
One curse and three Latin chants
Scares him right out of his pants

Frankenstein thinks he’s so vicious
And I’ll admit he is pernicious
But he’s so easy to short-circuit
If you know just how to work it

The loch-Ness monster got in my tub
When it was time to rub-dub-dub
I lured him like all other fishes
My family said he was delicious

I’m not a guy who likes to boast
But mess with me and you are toast
Warning monsters: If you see me
I suggest you let me be

by Richard W. Bray

Low, Dishonest Decade

October 28, 2009

Low, Dishonest Decade

I sit in a Starbucks
In the town of Bill and Ted
As my once-great nation,
Founded with bold words and blood
Against the imperial yoke,
Horrifies the planet
With our lust for “revenge”
How did we who warded off
The brigands of Tripoli
Transmogrify into
Petroleum pirates?

by Richard W. Bray

Sunny Street School

October 27, 2009

Sunny Street School

At Sunny Street School in Room Seventeen
Is the scariest teacher this world’s ever seen
So you better not mess with little Miss Green
She’s downright sadistic, not merely mean

She’s a hideous monster with a teaching degree
And she’s sure to scare you the way she scared me
When she threatened to feed me to her pet killer bees
When all I had done was ask to go pee

Did you hear about Steven who lives up the street?
He wouldn’t sand straight so she cut off his feet
And poor Patty Proctor was incurably sweet
Miss Green sent her swimming in a block of concrete

Young Horace forgot his homework one day
And we all knew that he would have to pay
When all the other kids were sent out to play
Horace was crated and shipped to Bombay

If you get on this woman’s bad side
You could be sent on a very long ride
Or end up looking like Frankenstein’s bride
She’s wicked and weird, it can’t be denied

by Richard W. Bray

Minor Chords (by Brian)

October 26, 2009

Minor Chords

I’m the fly on the wall
The varnish on the table
The ghost in the doll

Yet, I am never truly noticed.

But Enough about Me

October 23, 2009

But Enough about Me

I just returned from a whirlwind tour
Just bought this coat—pure hamster fur
It amazes myself—the things that I do
But enough about me, how are you?

Just got this car for ninety-nine grand
The only one like it in all of the land
With silver silk seats and a body baby blue
But enough about me, how are you?

The Governor called—isn’t that nice?
He wouldn’t make a move without my advice
It seems that his socks didn’t match his shoes
But enough about me, how are you?

My wonderful life is just such a thrill
Poor people like you just can’t get their fill
Of my fabulous tales of great derring-do
But enough about me, how are you?

by Richard W. Bray

In Your Shoes

October 22, 2009

In Your Shoes

A boy should watch his step by the creek:
“Don’t get me wrong, but you sort of reek.”

A dog is messy when he’s just a pup:
“Don’t come in this house till you clean that up”

A zoo is the place where an elephant walks:
“What is that stuff that is stuck to your socks?”

A friend is someone who can tell you bad news:
“Today I don’t want to walk in your shoes.”

by Richard W. Bray

Animal Antics

October 21, 2009

Animal Antics

Ricky Reynoso rented a rhino
And traveled around and around
He rode from Sudan out to Siam
But lately he cannot be found

Tina Taylor Teased a Tiger
That wasn’t so smart to do
Tina is currently being digested
Down at your local zoo

Bradley Branson bribed a bear
In hopes to find some honey
But all he got was a thousand stings
And now he’s out of money.

Carl kicked a kangaroo
He kicked so hard he lost his shoe
When it kicked back he was more than blue
Because he landed in Timbuktu

Stanley Seahorn selected a snail
As his own role model
He doesn’t like to do his chores
He just likes to dawdle

Pedro pushed a porcupine
When it got in his way
Now he’s pulling out its spines
All the livelong day

Cheri shouldn’t have shoved that shark
But she was in a hurry
She did not make it home by dark
I think it’s time to worry

Candice kissed a crocodile
To see if she could make it smile
Then she ran for over a mile
It only took a little while

Sandy sat on seven skunks
He’s really not a thinker
I barely sniffed and got a whiff
Because he’s such a stinker

by Richard W. Bray

The Deep Blue Sea

October 20, 2009

bbbbmerm

The Deep Blue Sea

I once had a notion to jump in the ocean
And swim right over to France
But halfway there, I got a big tear
Right in the seat of my pants
So I dove strait down where I found
A mermaid who wanted to dance
I didn’t know her name, but just the same
I decided to take a chance

We danced and played and happily strayed.
I’d never known such mirth
We swam near and far under the stars.
I paddled for all I was worth
As daylight neared there suddenly appeared
A merman of sizable girth
He said with a sigh, “Now you must die
For she’s been my betrothed since birth.”

The mermaid, Annette said, “I will not let
You harm one hair on his head!”
The merman, named Dan said,
“Darling, I plan to see him swim with the dead”
(I must now disclose, though bravely I posed
My heart was filled with dread
Why couldn’t I have tried a machine that flied
Like a blimp or a plane instead?)

As the merman advanced, we no longer danced.
His eyes were filled with hate
And as he came near, I was filled with a fear
I cannot now relate
I closed my eyes and prayed to the skies
For I could not face my fate
But before I turned dead, someone suddenly said,
“Look, it’s a Sea Magistrate!”

The magistrate, named Nate said, “Sorry I’m late.
I had to visit some kin
Now, let me see. Oh, can it be,
Old Dan is at it again?
By the law of the sea I declare this girl free.
The next time I will run in”
Then mighty Dan shrunk like can
You’d find in the recycle bin

Today I can say, as I watch my kids play,
“I’m the luckiest guy around.”
And my folks say Annette, although somewhat wet,
Is the best wife I could have found
We were married by Nate, which would indicate
That our wedding vows are sound
My life is pure joy. I’m the happiest boy.
And I hardly miss dry ground

by Richard W. Bray

Condemned

October 19, 2009

Condemned

Can I hurt you
And not hurt me?
Now it makes me sad
While you’re full of glee
But if an hour ago
You were bleeding from a barb
I carelessly injected
Years ago
Or maliciously flung
Yesterday
Am I bleeding for you
Now
Or tearing at my own scabs
Because I wish to feel?
If there’s no metaphysical connection
And nothing transcends
Is psychic pain just self pity?

Condemned to four dimensions
And the confines of my skin
Never able
To let anybody in

by Richard W. Bray