Posts Tagged ‘humorous poetry’
March 3, 2018
I really like your auto
And the things it can do
We had one just like it
Back in 1962
My car does the dishes
Cooks my eggs and cuts my hair
It even does my taxes
And tells me what to wear
I really like your children
They’re not afraid to fail
They can even dress themselves
And they’ve never been in jail
My daughter goes to Harvard
Can you believe she’s only four?
Her brother just cured cancer
And he put an end to war
I really like your clothing
It’s so 1982
Your Member’s Only jacket
Is the perfect look for you
Everything I wear
Is from Paris or Milan
If the designer isn’t famous
I won’t even try it on
I really like your courage
You’re not afraid to drink
Nasty rustic water
Coming from your kitchen sink
Pure and pristine water
From a Himalayan spring
The Dalai Lama blessed it
It’s the only thing I drink
You’re my inspiration
You’re so gallant and carefree
You have the will to go on living
And you’re not even me
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:children' s poetry, Humor, humorous poetry, Poetry
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
January 29, 2017
Walter thinks that someone
Is sleeping with his wife
If he knew it was me
It would mess up his life
I told him not to worry
To shelter him from strife
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
My boss really likes me
And he’s such a great guy
He’s losing lots of money
But he doesn’t know why
If he knew I was embezzling
He would probably die
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
I’ll never tell my wife
That I pawned her diamond ring
She got it from her grandma
And she really loves that thing
But cubic zirconia
Makes some pretty nice bling
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Humor, humorous poetry, liars, losers, Poetry
Posted in Poetry | Leave a Comment »
October 30, 2016
Been searching through philosophy
To find the one that’s right for me
I meditate and think and read
I finally found the perfect creed:
I wanna be, I wanna be
A secular Jew
I really love the Bible
But I don’t think it’s true
The Christians stole their book
Then they said it was old
We give them ghettos and pogroms
They give us comedy gold
Do the Jews have a Pope?
Cuz I was wonderin’ could he
Make me real funny
Like Groucho and Woody?
I wanna be, I wanna be
An outstanding thinker
Like Einstein, Freud, and Popper
Or that hairy-headed Pinker
Anybody out there
Think they got a solution?
Can I appropriate the culture
And skip the persecution?
Where do I sign?
I’ll gladly pay the fee
Is this a club
That would ever welcome me?
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Albert Einstein, Groucho Marx, Humor, humorous poetry, Karl Popper, peotry, Secular Judaism, Sigmund Freud, Steven Pinker
Posted in Poetry | Leave a Comment »
December 28, 2015
I’ve got a long list of real good reasons
For all the things I’ve done
—Willie Nelson
Chores
I didn’t do the dishes
Cuz the water’s awful mucky
And it wrinkles up my digits
And it’s really rather yucky
I did not rake the yard
Cuz I didn’t wanna blister
If you need a beast of burden
You should get my little sister
I did not clean my room
Cuz I’ll just mess it up again
It’s simply Sisyphean
Why can’t you comprehend?
Your nagging and your pleading
Make you sound like such a bore
Now fetch me up some vittles
And then finish all my chores
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Children's Literature, children’s poetry, humorous poetry, Nothing I can do about it now, Poetry, Sisyphus, Willie Nelson
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
September 18, 2015
What do I gotta say
To make you go away?
I’ll beguile and masquerade
Till you go on your way
I’ll make up any lie
To hear you say goodbye
I’ll say I understand
I’ll tell you I’m your man
I’ll say you are so right
I’m with you in this fight
I’ll promise earth and sky
To hear you say goodbye
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:humorous poetry, Poetry
Posted in Poetry | Leave a Comment »
June 28, 2015
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Craves a crooked course
A crazy road is best for him
But not his baffled horse
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Goes East to journey West
And to his wife’s chagrin he
Makes three rights to take a left
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Often ends where he begins
Going round in circles
Like a fish without fin
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Is guided from within
He wears a happy grin
Always going where he’s been
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Children's Literature, children’s poetry, Humor, humorous poetry, Poetry, widdershins
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
March 17, 2015
I was born to be a grownup
And I really dislike
The senseless sound and frolic
Of a gaggle of tykes
I’m a serious man
I do serious things
Got no time for games
Got no songs to sing
The stupid mirth and vigor
Of a roomful of youth
Annihilate my comfort
Like you’re drilling my tooth
I’m a serious man
I got books to read
Can’t tolerate those noisy
Little buckets of need
Living in a world
Of squalor and pain
Kids can make amusement
But it’s not very sane
So cut the happy hoopla
And the hullabaloo
Be serious like me
And miserable, too
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Children's Literature, children’s poetry, grumpy grownups, happy kids, Humor, humorous poetry, Poetry
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
February 17, 2015
Etiquette preserves our nation
Manners keep our culture strong
Rules defend our civilization
From hordes of folk who don’t belong
Select utensils one by one
Outside-in from plates and dishes
Don’t scandalize your lovely Mum
With a salad fork to eat your fishes
A striped tie with a checkered shirt
Constitutes a fashion crime
When you dress wrong my eyeballs hurt
No white pants in the wintertime
Don’t wash hands in the kitchen sink
Don’t serve steak with Chardonnay
Match your meals with your drinks
And you’ll make partner some sweet day
Don’t peel your eggs from big end down
Always start with the end that tapers
Don’t eat food that’s hit the ground
Don’t blow your nose with toilet paper
Mind your manners
Follow the rules
Pick the right friends
And pick the right schools
You won’t feel happy
You won’t be free
But you will be
Correct like me
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Big-endians, Children's Literature, children’s poetry, etiquette, Humor, humorous poetry, Irony, Jonathan Swift, Little-endians, manners, Poetry
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
January 29, 2015
You can hoodwink. You can fluster
You’re a mighty gifted huckster
You’re a guy who likes to muddle
You’re a walking pile of trouble
You love to mystify and faze
Go find somebody else to daze
Better jump back on your saddle
I ain’t the kind of guy you addle
You won’t catch me in a snoozle
I refusal your bamboozle
You can baffle and confound
But it won’t work when I’m around
Hang on to your hornswoggle
My mind ain’t fit to boggle
Your deception will not do
I’ve seen a thousand crooks like you
I ain’t gonna be your chump
You can bet your lying rump
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:bamboozle, Children's Literature, children’s poetry, conmen, frauds, hucksters, Humor, humorous poetry, Poetry
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
January 10, 2015
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t even say my name
This ain’t the time for pestering
My weak and weary frame
Don’t wake me up for anything
My bedroom is a shrine
Don’t disrupt my napping
My stupor is divine
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t halt my brief vacation
No good comes from bedeviling
My blesséd hibernation
Don’t wake me up for anything
I can’t afford to lose
Time set aside for slumbering
Don’t interrupt my snooze
Don’t wake me up for anything
My dreams are grandiose
If the world is ending
Just leave me comatose
by Richard W. Bray
Tags:Children's Literature, children's poetry, Humor, humorous poetry, Poetry, sleep
Posted in Children's Poetry, Poetry | Leave a Comment »
