Personal Responsibility

January 25, 2011

Personal Responsibility

I said I’d clean the chimney
So just calm down
It’s stupid to complain
It already burnt down

I said I’d fix the fridge
So what’s the big deal?
Food’s all spoiled
Let’s go out for a meal

I said I’d feed the fish
I know I forgot
I’m sorry they’re all dead
But at least I’m not

I said I’d cook dinner
But I’m a busy guy
I hear your stomach growling
I can’t imagine why

I said I’d do the laundry
It’s just as well
I hate to tell ya’
But you really smell?

I said I’d pay the bills
And here you are
Just nagging and moaning
They already took your car

I don’t go around telling people what to do
But you need to grow up, if you want my view
If you want it done right, then do it on your own
By the way, I’m outta’ cash. Could your buddy get a loan?

by Richard W. Bray

It Takes all Kinds

January 21, 2011

It Takes all Kinds

If I’m askance, then you’re askew
I walk crooked, but you do too
Words you say won’t make me blue
Cuz’ I don’t have to be like you

If I like my purple hair,
Or pants inside my underwear,
Or pantaloons that twelve could share
Why should you care what clothes I wear?

If I want to eat some beets,
Or blue bananas and hamster feet,
Or gray tamales with lizard meat
Why would you rue the food I eat?

I don’t care if you eat squid
Or leave an open toilet lid
Don’t need a big list of forbid
To raise a happy, healthy kid

Glad your teeth are jeweled and pearled
And all your nose-hairs have been curled
This simple truth must be unfurled:
It takes all kinds to make a world

by Richard W. Bray

Only the Best for Me

January 16, 2011

Only the Best for Me

I own every inch of land
Mountains to the sea
It’s clear I should demand
Only the best for me

My pencil box is solid gold
For everyone to see
Of all items bought and sold
Only the best for me

I covet gourmet caviar,
Russian it must be
Don’t you know that I’m a star?
Only the best for me

Cheddar is for peasants
My palate calls for brie
It tastes just right with pheasant
Only the best for me

I prefer a hall of mirrors
To human company
Alone with all my tears
Only the best for me

by Richard W. Bray

Mischief

January 11, 2011

Mischief

Kermit’s colorful markers:
A rainbow of selection
He decorates his house
But can’t avoid detection

Tina’s tiny tricycle
Took her up a hill
But when she tried to ride it down
She took a nasty spill

Randy’s homemade rocket
Shot up into space
On board was his puppy
Not easy to replace

Skippy’s super slingshot
Had a range of fifty yards
Replacing all those windows
Is going to be hard

Andrew’s alligator
Was the coolest pet of all
But sooner and not later
It ate up Andrew raw

It’s okay to be a rascal
And bother dads and mothers
But it’s just dumb to break stuff
Or hurt yourself and others

by Richard W. Bray

Jenny’s Jokebox

January 6, 2011

Jenny’s Jokebox

Jenny bought a Jokebox
At the doodad store
And if you’ve got a nickel
It will make your belly roar

Ya’ hear about the chicken
Who wouldn’t cross the road?
Or the one about the princess
Whose prince became a toad?

There was a kid who dreamed
Of cotton candy at the fair
Who then awoke to find
His pillow wasn’t there

At Christmas Lenny asked for
A thousand pounds of snoo
“Snoo, what’s snoo?” You ask
“Not much. What’s snoo with you?”

Since Jenny got her Jokebox
She’s been rolling in the dough
So if you got a nickel
Then she’s the girl to know

by Richard W. Bray

Please Don’t

January 2, 2011

Please Don’t

Don’t cough in by coffee
Don’t bark up my tree
Don’t scoff at my toffee
Don’t wave at my sea

Don’t hide in my hide
Don’t bumble my bee
Don’t side with my side
Just please let me be

by Richard W. Bray

Some Thoughts on Lyrics on Several Occasions

December 30, 2010

VVVVIRA

Some Thoughts on Lyrics on Several Occasions

Ira Gershwin, a City College dropout, was a great lover of words.  The lyricist who is best-remembered for penning songs such as Embraceable You, I got Rhythm, and Someone to Watch Over Me with his prodigiously talented younger brother George displays much wit and erudition in Lyrics on Several Occasions (1959), which is part memoir, part songbook (minus the music), part dissertation on his craft, and part meditation on language.

Gershwin discusses various philological topics which range in complexity from the correct pronunciation of the word “Caribbean” and the use of “like” as a conjunction (77), to Sidney Lanier on the “laws governing music and verse” (301) and “erudite Isaac D’Isreali (father of brilliant ‘Dizzy’)” on the origins of rhyme (321-322).

Gershwin demonstrates his impressive breadth of knowledge in both poetry and linguistics describing how he makes what might seem to be a rather mundane word choice:

In “Crush on You” I used “sweetie pie,” which I felt wasn’t too diabetic a term. And I have gone for “sweet” as a noun of endearment several times. But the parent of the last two, “sweetheart” (which goes back about eight centuries to “swete heorte”), I have somehow always given a wide berth (95).

Other times Gershwin’s explanations for his word choices are more prosaic. Here is how he came up with a particular rhyme in the preamble for Looking for a Boy (‘Bout five foot six or seven):

…about the only rhymes I could use for “Heaven” were “seven” and “eleven”; hence her preoccupation with height. (“Devon” was geographically out-of-bounds; Laborite E. Bevins was probably already married; and what could one do with “replevin”?) (9).

Words enter a writer’s brain from various directions, and then via some mysterious alchemy, words come out. I will offer an example from my own writing simply because I’m the writer I know the best (and I’m not presuming in any way that anything I have written is on a par with Mr. Gershwin’s work.) When I read the complete works of Wilfred Owen a few years back I thought, “Wow, this slant rhyme is pretty cool!” I naturally assumed that after a brief interval my brain would begin to sprout forth slanty rhymes. Still waiting.

And when the words do come, sometimes a writer has to drop everything and tend to inspiration which might not return:

Working incommunicado, trying to solve the riddle of a lyric for a tune, I sometimes didn’t get to bed until after sunrise. Even then the tune could be so persistent that it could keep running on through sleep, and was still with me at breakfast. And later in the day when I was about to tackle some other problem, it was capable of capricious intrusion with the threat of “Write me up! Work on me now or you’ll never get through!” However, after some years of tussling with any number of tunes, I found that the newer ones gradually became less tenacious and more tractable (136).

Two Brief Funny Stories

When I was on jury service in New York many years ago there was a case found for the defendant. Afterwards, in the corridor, I saw the lawyer for the plaintiff approaching and thought I was going to be lectured. But no. Greetings over, all he wanted to know was whether the words or the music came first (41).

And on how Gershwin made use of the phrase Nice work if you can get it, which he came across in a book of cartoons rejected by British humor magazines:


One, submitted to Punch, I think, was–I’m pretty sure–by George Belcher, whose crayon specialized in delineating London’s lowly. In this one, two char-women are discussing the daughter of a third, and the first says she’s heard that the disscussee ‘as become a ‘ore. Whereat the second observes it’s nice work if you can get it
(97).

Morality and Popular Music

In comparison to today’s popular music, it’s hard to imagine people who would find Ira Gershwin’s lyrics offensive, although “Stairway to Paradise” pokes fun at people who are too pious for dancing and “Fascinating Rhythm” is obviously about a couple whose amorous activity is too loud for the neighbors. In Gershwin’s time, however, one musicologist referred to Gershwin Brothers hit Do, Do, Do as “smart smut,” (261) and in Philadelphia “one of the town’s top critics” objected to an “obscene phrase” in the song “‘Swonderful”:

I don’t know what he would think about these Freedom-of-Four-Letter-Speech days, but at the time he felt that “feeling amorous” was something better scrawled in chalk than sung from a stage (253).

In the Winter, 1955 edition of ETC., noted semanticist and future California United States Senator S.I. Hayakawa proffered the absurd notion that Ira Gershwin and his colleagues were causing an epidemic of helplessly lovelorn youth. He labeled the phenomenon it “IFD disease (Idealization; Frustration; Demoralization).” Mr. Gershwin’s hilarious response is on page 113.

The Most Interesting Thing I Learned from This Book 

Ira Gershwin continued to work with several composers for decades after his brother’s unfortunate and untimely passing. He wrote The Man that Got Away with Harold Arlen, which was nominated for an Academy Award in 1954. This portion of the haunting song contains two classic two-syllable Ira Gershwin rhymes.

The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don’t know what happened. It’s all a crazy game!

by Richard W. Bray

Cruel Crazy World

December 24, 2010

Cruel Crazy World

I go out each day
Confronting
Hazards and constraints
I bear it all
So joyfully
Without any complaints:

Traffic jams, mudslides, maniacs, bug bites
Derelicts, hurricanes, potholes, red lights
Pranksters, liars, idiots, road crews
Bad news, salesmen, rain delays and dog doo
Frustrated road-ragers, terrorists, and tidal waves
Lunatic zombies climbing right up out their graves
Bad coffee, typhoons, forty-car pile-ups
Degenerate freaks and unrequested dial-ups
Backfires, flat tires, insolent creeps
Nattering nitwits boring me to sleep
Seedy backstreet sideshow demons
And everyone is always scheming

I come home to you
And you hug
The pain away
Ready and refreshed
I’ll face
Another blessed day

by Richard W. Bray

Status Update

December 18, 2010

Status Update

My sister met
A man online
Who showed up at her place
With choc-o-lates and roses
And my boyfriend’s face

Status update:
You’re deleted
I scrubbed my profile clean
You’re a liar and a cheater
And a lousy human being

Block all further access
Gonna find
Somebody new
A guy who ain’t too flirty
Don’t need no skeevy dog like you

I left him for
Five minutes
Alone with my best friend
He asked her for her number
And a hundred bucks to spend

Status update:
You’re deleted
I scrubbed my profile clean
You’re a liar and a cheater
And a lousy human being

Block all further Access
Gonna find
Somebody new
A guy who ain’t too flirty
Don’t need no skeevy dog like you

I hear his phones
‘Aringing when he’s
On the other line
Who are all these women
Calling all the time?

Status update:
You’re deleted
I scrubbed my profile clean
You’re a liar and a cheater
And a lousy human being

Block all further Access
Gonna find
Somebody new
A guy who ain’t too flirty
Don’t need no skeevy dog like you

I’m so sad
And lonesome
What’s a girl to do?
I just need a decent guy
Who’s rich and tall and handsome too

Status update:
You’re deleted
I scrubbed my profile clean
You’re a liar and a cheater
And a lousy human being

Block all further access
Gonna find
Somebody new
A guy who ain’t too flirty
Don’t need no skeevy dog like you

by Richard W. Bray

Whoppers

December 13, 2010

640px-Lies_Terschelling

Whoppers

I’ll never tell you little lies
I’ll only tell you whoppers
Fibs are for the other guys
My lies are all chart-toppers

When I forgot to do my chores
Cleverly, I uttered:
“Typhoon Tom blew off the doors
That’s why my room is cluttered”

When I ate the birthday cake
Purchased for my sister
I blamed it on a hungry snake
I said, “Y’all just missed her”

When I took ten thousand bucks
Earmarked for the poor
I just smiled and said, “Aw, shucks
It just ran out the door”

When I didn’t turn the gas off
And blew up several houses
I blamed it on an army of
Flamethrower-toting mouses

When I didn’t want to eat my peas
It required all my smarts
To claim that peas will make you wheeze
And cause colossal farts

When I wished to meet the star
Who was an awesome dancer
I showed her agent an old scar
And faked that I had cancer

When my dog went next door
And rooted up some posies
I said, “I saw a warthog
With roseys on his nosey?”


I’ll never tell you little lies
I’ll only tell you whoppers
Fibs are for the other guys
My lies are all chart-toppers

by Richard W. Bray