Time to Catch a Train

April 2, 2011

Time to Catch a Train

Always blowin
Back and forth
I’m just a crazy weathervane
It ain’t no mystery
That I’m the one to blame
I’d love to hang around
And help to
Cool your pain
But I can’t take
Another day
It’s time to catch a train

You gave more
Than I deserve
I poured it down a drain
Good thing I always
Had the sense
To know that I’m insane

by Richard W. Bray

Frannie’s Fortress

March 26, 2011

Frannie’s Fortress

Frannie’s best friend moved away
This made her very sad
When other kids went out to play
She stayed home with her dad

Naturally she felt her
Heart had hit a wall
So she sought herself a shelter
From torment, big and small

Frannie figured it was best
To keep her feelings gated
She’d build for them a fortress
To be locked and palisaded

She planned a sanctuary
Where a girl could find refuge
This stronghold would be very
Fortified and huge

She would make herself a maven
On battlements and forts
To build a bulwark and a haven
And protect her lonely heart

She’d defend her citadel
With fulltime guards on call
And no one could even tell
If she ever cried at all

As she began to write
In a notebook on the floor
Daddy was a welcome sight:
“You have people at the door.”

Sally, Ann and Mary
Came to see if she could play
They had themselves a very
Funterrific day

Daddy said, “I made some lunch
And all your friends can stay.”
The girls all drank some punch
And Frannie put her plans away

by Richard W. Bray

Blowing up Babies

March 15, 2011

Blowing up Babies

We’re lost and we’re angry
We ain’t got no plan
And we’re blowing up babies in Afghanistan

Things are falling apart
All across the land
We’re still blowing up babies in Afghanistan

Only fools wanna mess
With festering clans
Let’s stop blowing up babies in Afghanistan

When’d we all get so stupid?
I can’t understand
Why we’re blowing up babies in Afghanistan

Soldiers sign up
To protect the homeland
We make ’em blow up the babies in Afghanistan

We need our leader
To be a man
And stop blowing up babies in Afghanistan

by Richard W. Bray

Walter the Wombat

March 3, 2011

Walter the Wombat

Walter Wombat went to the store
To find his family some food
The sun was shining, and what’s more
He was in a wonderful mood

When Walter got to the market
The lot was nearly full
As he maneuvered his car to park it
He backed into an angry bull

The bull stepped out of its Audi
And stomped right up to his car
As Walter prepared to say, “Howdy”
He noticed it had a huge scar

This bull didn’t look real pleasant
So Walter prepared for a fight
That’s when a ring-necked pheasant
Marched right into their sight

“Of course, y’all don’t know me”
Said Fred with a glint in his eye
“But I was wondering who could show me
Where worms fall out of the sky”

The bull looked down at Freddy
As steam came out of its nose
And the little bird got ready
To defend against terrible blows

“You really don’t want to perturb me”
Said the bull with blood in his eye
“And it’s a real mistake to disturb me
When I’m about to gore this guy”

Fred said, “I do beg your pardon
I surely do hate to bud in
And I guess I should be startin’
Home to be with my kin”

The bull turned its head quite slowly
Offended by Freddy’s words
“Did you just call me Shirley, lowly
Ring-necked little bird?”

“I believe that you’re mistaken”
Said Walter ignoring his terrors
No bird should be forsaken
For simple linguistic errors”

“The two words surely and Shirley
Are a pair of homophones
So before you get hurly burly
And speak in angry tones…”

But the bull was through with talking
He began to snort and stomp
The world was suddenly rocking
This bull was ready to romp

The bull chased after the wombat
Who headed straight for the stream
He preferred swimming to combat
He had no wish to be creamed

They both ended up in the water
But this didn’t cool off the bull
Which pointed and reared for slaughter
Until he felt the pull

The current quickly took him
To an ocean miles away
The bystanders there mistook him
For a surfer who’d lost his way

This story that I have selected
Has a moral over for you to mull:
Always stay cool and collected
And never back into a bull

by Richard W. Bray

Neglect

February 26, 2011

Neglect

My fire used to burn when it was stoked
Never cleaned the chimney; house full of smoke
Creosote ain’t no kinda joke
Time to fix my bike; tighten every spoke

My dog used to love me till today
I ran outta food; guess he run away
I go to the park; no one to play
Canine nutrition; important every day

My friends came over every night
Didn’t pay my bill; turned off all my lights
Now my possessions; completely outta’ sight
Much misery for a simple oversight

My mother used to feed me every day
Then I grew up; she made me move away
Fast food and frozen dinners; really not okay
Learn how to cook before going on your way

A maid used to come and clean my place
Till it got so messy; simply a disgrace
Everyone says I’m a basket case
That housekeeper can never be replaced

My uncle used to help me fix my car
I never checked my oil; won’t make it too far
I’m filling all the skies; smoke, soot and tar
Check those fluids; be a highway star

Neglect used to be my middle name
Caused so much trouble; had to change my game
First thing I did; accept all blame
Ignoring all my problems; just too lame

by Richard W. Bray

Tonight in Every Bar

February 22, 2011

Tonight
In every bar
Drunken alcoholics speak
Of friends who really have
A drinking problem.

by Richard W. Bray

Holding on to Every Inch

February 15, 2011

I’m an old curmudgeon
I get older every day
Got no time to spare
Get the hell out of my way

I’m an old curmudgeon
Don’t give me no crap
I’m mean and I am cranky
And I’m late to take my nap

I’m an old curmudgeon
Get off of my goddamn lawn
Holding on to every inch
Until I’m dead and gone

I’m an old curmudgeon
I’ve seen what life can do
Here’s a brand new dollar
Go and buy yourself a clue

I’m an old curmudgeon
And I have to stay on top
Sinking is just dying
And I’m not about to stop

I’m an old curmudgeon
I keep barreling ahead
Reflection is for cowards
And rest is for the dead

by Richard W. Bray

Best Friends Forever

February 12, 2011

Best Friends Forever

Sally and Kathy were Best Friends Forever
Till Kathy told Sally’s secrets to Heather
The girls are refusing to speak to each other
And Sally is home crying to Mother

by Richard W. Bray

Rudely Interrupter

February 3, 2011

Rudely Interrupter


Good friends were talking and sharing their mirth
When in walked a storm of incurable dearth
A salesman by trade and a bother since birth
An insidious creature who slithers on Earth

Rudely Interrupter: his given name
Playing Budinski: his favorite game
Though no one is ever glad that he came
He’ll bug one and all every time just the same

by Richard W. Bray

Some Thoughts on Joseph Sugarman’s Adweek Copywriting Handbook

January 29, 2011

sugarman

It’s all about getting her to read the first sentence. And then the next. And the next. Until she finishes the copy and picks up the phone to place her order.

In The Adweek Copywriting Handbook, legendary adman Joseph Sugarman explains the art of creating print advertising which will motivate a person “to exchange his or her hard-earned money for a product or service” (5).

Grab and Keep the Reader

Sugarman describes how “the purpose of all the elements in an ad” is “to get you to read the copy” (31). The pictures, layout and headline must pull readers into the ad. Then the words take over.

The first sentence must “really grab and keep” the reader (32). In order to do this, Sugarman advises copywriters to “Keep it short, sweet and almost incomplete so that the reader has to read the next sentence” (32).

It had to happen.

It’s you against the computer.

It’s easy.

Each of the three brief opening sentences provided by Sugarman is designed to lure the unsuspecting reader down the “slippery slope” of words, ultimately leading him to commit an act of unnecessary consumption.

Once the potential customer has begun her descent, the copy must be compelling enough to “get momentum going and create that buying environment” (114).

A good salesman can decide which strategy to utilize by reading his customer’s face, but a copywriter uses mere words to generate the elements of a showroom inside the reader’s imagination. This process includes anticipating and assuaging all possible objections. Sugarman warns: “Give the readers any excuse not to buy and they won’t buy” (124).

From Me to You

And just like any other salesman, the copywriter’s most important task is to develop a personal relationship with the customer. Although a particular advertisement appears in a magazine that will be read by thousands of readers, it should address potential customers in the same manner one would use speaking to a friend.

It is essential that you write your copy as if you are writing to that single individual. Your copy should be very personal. From me to you. Period (91).

One way copywriters achieve this sense of intimacy is by using the personal pronouns, you, I and me, which “create the feel of a personal form of communication” (88). The word we, however, can make the seller seem large and impersonal. That’s why it’s best to refer to a company and its support staff in an endearing manner: “My team of great engineers is available to help you” (281).

You sell on emotion but you justify a purchase with logic

Human beings are capable of making rational decisions, but decision-making is not a rational process. As poet Theodore Reothke shrewdly noted, “We think by feeling.” And any purchasing decision is fraught with feelings.

As Sugarman explains:

You buy a Mercedes automobile emotionally but you then justify the purchase logically with its technology, safety and resale value (138-9).

How Many Words?

Is there such a thing as too much copy? Not according to Sugarman: “There really is no limit to how long copy should be if you get results” (83). However, space is always finite in newspaper or magazine advertisements. (But space is not restricted with internet ads, which creates many selling opportunities)

But as a general rule brevity is better, and “the goal in writing ad copy is to express the thoughts you want to convey in the most powerful way but with the fewest words” (102 ).

Like a Poet

Like a poet, an effective copywriter needs to understand the emotional connotations of the words she chooses. Also like a poet, she must learn to “edit for rhythm,” in order to create copy that flows mellifluously (104).

You’ll Have to Buy the Book to Get the Rest of the Stories

Like how Sugarman got sales to rise twenty percent by changing a single word in a page of copy (70). Or how he sold a quarter of a million Walkie-Talkies by calling it a Pocket CB.

by Richard W. Bray