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Best Friends Forever
Sally and Kathy were Best Friends Forever
Till Kathy told Sally’s secrets to Heather
The girls are refusing to speak to each other
And Sally is home crying to Mother
by Richard W. Bray
![]()
Best Friends Forever
Sally and Kathy were Best Friends Forever
Till Kathy told Sally’s secrets to Heather
The girls are refusing to speak to each other
And Sally is home crying to Mother
by Richard W. Bray

It’s all about getting her to read the first sentence. And then the next. And the next. Until she finishes the copy and picks up the phone to place her order.
In The Adweek Copywriting Handbook, legendary adman Joseph Sugarman explains the art of creating print advertising which will motivate a person “to exchange his or her hard-earned money for a product or service” (5).
Sugarman describes how “the purpose of all the elements in an ad” is “to get you to read the copy” (31). The pictures, layout and headline must pull readers into the ad. Then the words take over.
The first sentence must “really grab and keep” the reader (32). In order to do this, Sugarman advises copywriters to “Keep it short, sweet and almost incomplete so that the reader has to read the next sentence” (32).
It had to happen.
It’s you against the computer.
It’s easy.
Each of the three brief opening sentences provided by Sugarman is designed to lure the unsuspecting reader down the “slippery slope” of words, ultimately leading him to commit an act of unnecessary consumption.
Once the potential customer has begun her descent, the copy must be compelling enough to “get momentum going and create that buying environment” (114).
A good salesman can decide which strategy to utilize by reading his customer’s face, but a copywriter uses mere words to generate the elements of a showroom inside the reader’s imagination. This process includes anticipating and assuaging all possible objections. Sugarman warns: “Give the readers any excuse not to buy and they won’t buy” (124).
And just like any other salesman, the copywriter’s most important task is to develop a personal relationship with the customer. Although a particular advertisement appears in a magazine that will be read by thousands of readers, it should address potential customers in the same manner one would use speaking to a friend.
It is essential that you write your copy as if you are writing to that single individual. Your copy should be very personal. From me to you. Period (91).
One way copywriters achieve this sense of intimacy is by using the personal pronouns, you, I and me, which “create the feel of a personal form of communication” (88). The word we, however, can make the seller seem large and impersonal. That’s why it’s best to refer to a company and its support staff in an endearing manner: “My team of great engineers is available to help you” (281).
Human beings are capable of making rational decisions, but decision-making is not a rational process. As poet Theodore Reothke shrewdly noted, “We think by feeling.” And any purchasing decision is fraught with feelings.
As Sugarman explains:
You buy a Mercedes automobile emotionally but you then justify the purchase logically with its technology, safety and resale value (138-9).
Is there such a thing as too much copy? Not according to Sugarman: “There really is no limit to how long copy should be if you get results” (83). However, space is always finite in newspaper or magazine advertisements. (But space is not restricted with internet ads, which creates many selling opportunities)
But as a general rule brevity is better, and “the goal in writing ad copy is to express the thoughts you want to convey in the most powerful way but with the fewest words” (102 ).
Like a poet, an effective copywriter needs to understand the emotional connotations of the words she chooses. Also like a poet, she must learn to “edit for rhythm,” in order to create copy that flows mellifluously (104).
Like how Sugarman got sales to rise twenty percent by changing a single word in a page of copy (70). Or how he sold a quarter of a million Walkie-Talkies by calling it a Pocket CB.
by Richard W. Bray

Personal Responsibility
I said I’d clean the chimney
So just calm down
It’s stupid to complain
It already burnt down
I said I’d fix the fridge
So what’s the big deal?
Food’s all spoiled
Let’s go out for a meal
I said I’d feed the fish
I know I forgot
I’m sorry they’re all dead
But at least I’m not
I said I’d cook dinner
But I’m a busy guy
I hear your stomach growling
I can’t imagine why
I said I’d do the laundry
It’s just as well
I hate to tell ya’
But you really smell?
I said I’d pay the bills
And here you are
Just nagging and moaning
They already took your car
I don’t go around telling people what to do
But you need to grow up, if you want my view
If you want it done right, then do it on your own
By the way, I’m outta’ cash. Could your buddy get a loan?
by Richard W. Bray

It Takes all Kinds
If I’m askance, then you’re askew
I walk crooked, but you do too
Words you say won’t make me blue
Cuz’ I don’t have to be like you
If I like my purple hair,
Or pants inside my underwear,
Or pantaloons that twelve could share
Why should you care what clothes I wear?
If I want to eat some beets,
Or blue bananas and hamster feet,
Or gray tamales with lizard meat
Why would you rue the food I eat?
I don’t care if you eat squid
Or leave an open toilet lid
Don’t need a big list of forbid
To raise a happy, healthy kid
Glad your teeth are jeweled and pearled
And all your nose-hairs have been curled
This simple truth must be unfurled:
It takes all kinds to make a world
by Richard W. Bray

Only the Best for Me
I own every inch of land
Mountains to the sea
It’s clear I should demand
Only the best for me
My pencil box is solid gold
For everyone to see
Of all items bought and sold
Only the best for me
I covet gourmet caviar,
Russian it must be
Don’t you know that I’m a star?
Only the best for me
Cheddar is for peasants
My palate calls for brie
It tastes just right with pheasant
Only the best for me
I prefer a hall of mirrors
To human company
Alone with all my tears
Only the best for me
by Richard W. Bray

Mischief
Kermit’s colorful markers:
A rainbow of selection
He decorates his house
But can’t avoid detection
Tina’s tiny tricycle
Took her up a hill
But when she tried to ride it down
She took a nasty spill
Randy’s homemade rocket
Shot up into space
On board was his puppy
Not easy to replace
Skippy’s super slingshot
Had a range of fifty yards
Replacing all those windows
Is going to be hard
Andrew’s alligator
Was the coolest pet of all
But sooner and not later
It ate up Andrew raw
It’s okay to be a rascal
And bother dads and mothers
But it’s just dumb to break stuff
Or hurt yourself and others
by Richard W. Bray

Jenny’s Jokebox
Jenny bought a Jokebox
At the doodad store
And if you’ve got a nickel
It will make your belly roar
Ya’ hear about the chicken
Who wouldn’t cross the road?
Or the one about the princess
Whose prince became a toad?
There was a kid who dreamed
Of cotton candy at the fair
Who then awoke to find
His pillow wasn’t there
At Christmas Lenny asked for
A thousand pounds of snoo
“Snoo, what’s snoo?” You ask
“Not much. What’s snoo with you?”
Since Jenny got her Jokebox
She’s been rolling in the dough
So if you got a nickel
Then she’s the girl to know
by Richard W. Bray

Please Don’t
Don’t cough in by coffee
Don’t bark up my tree
Don’t scoff at my toffee
Don’t wave at my sea
Don’t hide in my hide
Don’t bumble my bee
Don’t side with my side
Just please let me be
by Richard W. Bray

Some Thoughts on Lyrics on Several Occasions
Ira Gershwin, a City College dropout, was a great lover of words. The lyricist who is best-remembered for penning songs such as Embraceable You, I got Rhythm, and Someone to Watch Over Me with his prodigiously talented younger brother George displays much wit and erudition in Lyrics on Several Occasions (1959), which is part memoir, part songbook (minus the music), part dissertation on his craft, and part meditation on language.
Gershwin discusses various philological topics which range in complexity from the correct pronunciation of the word “Caribbean” and the use of “like” as a conjunction (77), to Sidney Lanier on the “laws governing music and verse” (301) and “erudite Isaac D’Isreali (father of brilliant ‘Dizzy’)” on the origins of rhyme (321-322).
Gershwin demonstrates his impressive breadth of knowledge in both poetry and linguistics describing how he makes what might seem to be a rather mundane word choice:
In “Crush on You” I used “sweetie pie,” which I felt wasn’t too diabetic a term. And I have gone for “sweet” as a noun of endearment several times. But the parent of the last two, “sweetheart” (which goes back about eight centuries to “swete heorte”), I have somehow always given a wide berth (95).
Other times Gershwin’s explanations for his word choices are more prosaic. Here is how he came up with a particular rhyme in the preamble for Looking for a Boy (‘Bout five foot six or seven):
…about the only rhymes I could use for “Heaven” were “seven” and “eleven”; hence her preoccupation with height. (“Devon” was geographically out-of-bounds; Laborite E. Bevins was probably already married; and what could one do with “replevin”?) (9).
Words enter a writer’s brain from various directions, and then via some mysterious alchemy, words come out. I will offer an example from my own writing simply because I’m the writer I know the best (and I’m not presuming in any way that anything I have written is on a par with Mr. Gershwin’s work.) When I read the complete works of Wilfred Owen a few years back I thought, “Wow, this slant rhyme is pretty cool!” I naturally assumed that after a brief interval my brain would begin to sprout forth slanty rhymes. Still waiting.
And when the words do come, sometimes a writer has to drop everything and tend to inspiration which might not return:
Working incommunicado, trying to solve the riddle of a lyric for a tune, I sometimes didn’t get to bed until after sunrise. Even then the tune could be so persistent that it could keep running on through sleep, and was still with me at breakfast. And later in the day when I was about to tackle some other problem, it was capable of capricious intrusion with the threat of “Write me up! Work on me now or you’ll never get through!” However, after some years of tussling with any number of tunes, I found that the newer ones gradually became less tenacious and more tractable (136).
When I was on jury service in New York many years ago there was a case found for the defendant. Afterwards, in the corridor, I saw the lawyer for the plaintiff approaching and thought I was going to be lectured. But no. Greetings over, all he wanted to know was whether the words or the music came first (41).
And on how Gershwin made use of the phrase Nice work if you can get it, which he came across in a book of cartoons rejected by British humor magazines:
One, submitted to Punch, I think, was–I’m pretty sure–by George Belcher, whose crayon specialized in delineating London’s lowly. In this one, two char-women are discussing the daughter of a third, and the first says she’s heard that the disscussee ‘as become a ‘ore. Whereat the second observes it’s nice work if you can get it (97).
In comparison to today’s popular music, it’s hard to imagine people who would find Ira Gershwin’s lyrics offensive, although “Stairway to Paradise” pokes fun at people who are too pious for dancing and “Fascinating Rhythm” is obviously about a couple whose amorous activity is too loud for the neighbors. In Gershwin’s time, however, one musicologist referred to Gershwin Brothers hit Do, Do, Do as “smart smut,” (261) and in Philadelphia “one of the town’s top critics” objected to an “obscene phrase” in the song “‘Swonderful”:
I don’t know what he would think about these Freedom-of-Four-Letter-Speech days, but at the time he felt that “feeling amorous” was something better scrawled in chalk than sung from a stage (253).
In the Winter, 1955 edition of ETC., noted semanticist and future California United States Senator S.I. Hayakawa proffered the absurd notion that Ira Gershwin and his colleagues were causing an epidemic of helplessly lovelorn youth. He labeled the phenomenon it “IFD disease (Idealization; Frustration; Demoralization).” Mr. Gershwin’s hilarious response is on page 113.
Ira Gershwin continued to work with several composers for decades after his brother’s unfortunate and untimely passing. He wrote The Man that Got Away with Harold Arlen, which was nominated for an Academy Award in 1954. This portion of the haunting song contains two classic two-syllable Ira Gershwin rhymes.
The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don’t know what happened. It’s all a crazy game!
by Richard W. Bray