Ever’body got a gift
And I was born to see
Other people’s problems
It’s my spesh-ee-al-i-tee
I’m just here to help them
Be the best they’ll ever be
Got so much time to do it
Cuz there’s nothing wrong with me
My daddy is a sweetheart
But he likes to take a swig
He lives to serve his country
When he ain’t in the brig
And you know I love my mama
Despite everywhere she been
And all my friends and neighbors
Are such paragons of sin:
Sarah is a diva,
Lester is a drunk
Harold is a pervert,
And a weasel and a punk
They tell me “mind your business”
But I know it’s bunk
They pretend that they’re all rosy
When they really smell like skunk
Ever’body got a gift
And I was born to see
Other people’s problems
It’s my spesh-ee-al-i-tee
An Egyptian river is
Where I ought to be
Thinking about you
Replaces thinking about me
We all know it’s tragic When a lover gets the boot Sometimes it’s no biggie Sometimes it’s acute I’ve seen guys who got whupped For bein’ Passion’s slave And quite a few that drunk themselves To an early grave But I ain’t seen’ nuthin’ Like my buddy Billy Ray He rewrote the Book of Crazy When his woman run away With his little brother On his thirty-third birthday…
He hunts grizzlies with a penknife He cleans his pistols with his tongue He rassles crocodiles He eats salads made of dung He wears a barb wire choker He pours gunpowder on eggs He takes shooters of Tabasco He drinks malt liquor by the keg
He don’t just look sick to me The dude is downright victimy Won’t live to see the next full moon If he don’t get some help real soon
I woke up this morning, wishing I was dead
With forty-seven work crews poundin’ in my head
My belly was the site of a nasty civil war
That abruptly ended when I puked right on the floor
My body is revolting and my soul is on the brink
I’d sell everything I own just to buy another drink
I gotta’ plague of reasons
Why it’s time to quit
Livin’ in a snake pit
A feller will get bit
I lost a lovin’ family, three jobs
And half my mind
Been a long, long time
Since I could say that I was fine
Yesterday I got to work at seven forty-five
Three hot cups of coffee, feeling glad to be alive
My boss looked up and yelled, “Just where the hell you been?”
“I’m fifteen minutes early. Hell, that ain’t no sin”
“Actually,” he sneered “You been AWOL for a week
Foreman’s got your severance, you stupid, smelly freak”
I gotta’ plague of reasons
Why it’s time to quit
Livin’ in a snake pit
A feller will get bit
I lost a lovin’ family, three jobs
And half my mind
Been a long, long time
Since I could say that I was fine
My doctor says my liver’s fixin’ to explode
And all my other organs look ninety-three years old
I got so many toxins stuck inside my skin
Bloated up from battles that my body cannot win
If I ain’t hit bottom, I’m dangling by a thread.
I could get some help or I could get a drink instead
I gotta’ plague of reasons
Why it’s time to quit
Livin’ in a snake pit
A feller will get bit
I lost a lovin’ family, three jobs
And half my mind
Been a long, long time
Since I could say that I was fine
Laughter hope sock in the eye's Blog 