You never like my cooking You said my roast was dry You wouldn’t eat my lasagna You won’t touch my cherry pie If you don’t munch on something I’ll get another guy
I do everything you ask me to What T F is wrong with you? I’m loyal and I’m pretty too What T F is wrong with you? A bigger fool I never knew What T F is wrong with you?
You never liked my family You said my dad was dirt You came to brunch on Sunday But you didn’t bring your shirt If my brothers ever see you They’ll fill you up with hurt
I do everything you ask me to What T F is wrong with you? I’m loyal and I’m pretty too What T F is wrong with you? A bigger fool I never knew What T F is wrong with you?
You never do the dishes You never mop the floor You think that I’m your maid You think that I’m your whore You said you need direction So, buddy there’s the door
I do everything you ask me to What T F is wrong with you? I’m loyal and I’m pretty too What T F is wrong with you? A bigger fool I never knew What T F is wrong with you?
Got money in my pants
Got a shiny new car
Got tickets to a dance
Got a seat at the bar
Got everything I earned
From all the work I do
But I never ever learned
That I just needed you
I’m a boat without a sail
I’m a light without a lamp
I’m a letter in the mail
That ain’t got no stamp
I’m a fool without a plan
Darling, can’t you understand?
I’m a rinky dink shadow
Of a man
I’m tearing up the town
I’m breaking all the rules
And I’m rollin all around
With a mighty bunch of fools
Got all my crazy pals
Got a million things to do
Got a thousand horny gals
But I just need you
I’m a boat without a sail
I’m a light without a lamp
I’m a letter in the mail
That ain’t got no stamp
I’m a fool without a plan
Darling, can’t you understand?
I’m a rinky dink shadow
Of a man
Anybody sitting here?
Good Lord, I need a drink
Let me offer you some beer
You can tell me what you think
I’m in here every day
Drinking is my life
Wanna throw it all away
Since I lost my wife
She ran off to Beijing
With my business partner, Ted
She says he’s more exciting
And an animal in bed
So tell me, What’s your story?
It can’t be sad as mine
My father never liked me
And my mother dated swine
My people are afflicted
When it comes to crime
My sister was convicted
And my brother’s doing time
I didn’t catch your name
Would you like another shot?
They tell me I’m insane
I’ve mortgaged all I got
I’ve always been unhappy
You look like you work out
I’m doing pretty crappy
With psoriasis and gout
Didn’t mean to bend your ear
It’s just what I do
I’ve never seen you here
So tell me about you
I met a man
Who laid some bricks
He knew about
A million tricks
The people loved
His fancy streets
But I prefer
The grey concrete
Don’t wanna hear about the things you did
Don’t bother me if you got stuff to share
Everything that I don’t like is stupid
Don’t waste my time. I really just don’t care
I met a man who
Who looked at stars
And tried to guess
Just what they are
But that didn’t do
A thing for me
Or take me where
I wanna be
Don’t wanna hear about the things you did
Don’t bother me if you got stuff to share
Everything that I don’t like is stupid
Don’t waste my time. I really just don’t care
A gal I knew
Was brave and free
Embraced life with
Vitality
Did not take much
Sense to see
She was not the
One for me
Don’t wanna hear about the things you did
Don’t bother me if you got stuff to share
Everything that I don’t like is stupid
Don’t waste my time. I really just don’t care
I hit the bars in Tucson
I had a wicked thirst
I hoped to find a honey
And open up her purse
I ain’t much to look at
But a lady could do worse
So I polished up my silver tongue
With a couple shots
I scoped me out some honeys
The kind that look real hot
I headed for some tables
And gave it all I got
With diligence my shield
I trek from town to town
I don’t always prosper
But it never gets me down
The gals in this establishment
We’re actin pretty rough
I kept hurlin pickups
But it wasn’t my best stuff
It was time to ice my ego
Cuz I done had enough
Then I spied a vision
Of silky curvy lace
I asked if she’d like to
Take me to her place
She hoisted up her beverage
And threw it in my face
With diligence my shield
I trek from town to town
I don’t always prosper
But it never gets me down
Tucson gals are ornery
Especially in June
Or maybe I was harvesting
The cycles of the moon
I might venture back this way
But it won’t be soon
Those gals weren’t very friendly
But it don’t bother me
Now I’m gonna hit the road
And see what I can see
Perhaps it’s time to check out
The beauties in Tempe
With diligence my shield
I trek from town to town
I don’t always prosper
But it never gets me down
You sent me a text
When your man was away
Said we could meet
If I wanted some play
Things been ruff since I got dumped
But I ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
You wanted to meet
At the far end of town
So no one would see
You were messin around
I’ve been in one helluva a slump
But I ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
You call me up
At a quarter to four
Ya run outta ice
Can I get you some more?
I’ll do what I do to get over the hump
But I ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
We hooked up once
It wasn’t that good
You never called back
Like you said you would
Things been ruff since I got dumped
But I ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
ain’t gonna be your second-string chump
I don’t care about my marriage
I don’t care about the kids
I don’t care who I hurt
And I don’t care what I did
It’s time to have a bottle
It’s time to have some fun
It’s time to find a woman
And forget the things I done
It’s time to hit the honky tonks
It’s time for me to run
I don’t care how much she loved me
I don’t care about her pain
I don’t care if she gets lonely
I don’t care if she’s sane
It’s time to have a bottle
It’s time to have some fun
It’s time to find a woman
And forget the things I done
It’s time to hit the honky tonks
It’s time for me to run
I don’t care about my daughter
I don’t care bout my son
Growin up without a daddy
Never hurt me none
It’s time to have a bottle
It’s time to have some fun
It’s time to find a woman
And forget the things I done
It’s time to hit the honky tonks
It’s time for me to run
Somehow the blue and the bluer
Straggled on in from the street
This place might not look like a sewer
But it reeks with the stench of defeat
Such an Excellent place to meet losers
And guys who abandoned their wives
And staggering babbling bruisers
And people who screwed up their lives
There’s plenty of cursin’ and fussin’
But at least we all can agree
The most suitable barroom discussion:
The drunk who’s more worse off than me
Such an Excellent place to meet losers
And guys who abandoned their wives
And staggering babbling bruisers
And people who screwed up their lives
Don’t ask me just how I got here
I don’t like to live in the past
I’m happy so long as I got beer
I’m certain this won’t be my last
Such an Excellent place to meet losers
And guys who abandoned their wives
And staggering babbling bruisers
And people who screwed up their lives
So if you are looking for sinners
Grasping at bottles and straws
Or hopelessly gossiping grinners
And people who broke every law
Check out this Excellent place to meet losers
And guys who abandoned their wives
And staggering babbling bruisers
And people who screwed up their lives
Laughter hope sock in the eye's Blog 