Whackadoodle
Walk your poodle
Eat a noodle
With some strudel
Whoopsie daisy
Love your crazy
Loopy lazy
Doesn't faze me
Hunky dory
Drive your lorry
Sing a story
Don't ignore me
Under over
Four-leaf clover
Cliffs of Dover
Play with Rover
Prince and pauper
Lemon dropper
Happy hopper
Never stop her
Razzle dazzle
Frazzle pazzle
Words unravel
Happy travels
by Richard W. Bray
I told Candace Walter's cheating
I told Megan she was fat
I said Gail's looks are fleeting
And that's such an ugly hat
I told Dan his son's a loser
And his wife is scarfing pills
I told Frankie he's a boozer
They should pay me for my skills
I told Ted his breath is frightful
It could make an angel cry
The truth is so delightful
I'm a great and fearless guy
I'm tenacious and observant
I refuse to pull my punches
I'm a real public servant
They should honor me at lunches
I'm a paladin of virtue
In a world of falsity
If reality can hurt you
You're a fool for blaming me
by Richard W. Bray
Everybody has a podcast
Every topic is a show
Somebody's there to broadcast
All the stuff you need to know:
Crazy things that kittens do
Seven ways to tie your shoe
Holden Caulfield's little sister
Strategies for playing Twister
Tiddlywinks, Tic Tac Toe
Baccarat and Dominoes
Recipes for cubes of ice
Teaching tigers to be nice
Remedies for ruptured hearts
The benefits of monkey farts
The history of horny Quakers
Fashion tips from undertakers
Tasmania, Lithuania
Buenos Aires, Lichtenstein
Everybody's got opinions
Everybody wants to shine
by Richard W. Bray
Got a new snork vorple
It's really kuper-kippy
It keeps me wipple-wapple
When the wunk is wappy-wippy
I don't like your gornpop
You're such a norky noobler
The mips are full of zanzi-plips
Don't jim-jomp on the goobler
When I was young, we porpled
We confoobled for a song
But now the nukstips borbalize
And snirkbob all day long
Don't call me a fubble flooper
Just cuz I'm purpipsy
The dinder dob is nabby dab
Someday you'll bloop the blipsy
by Richard W. Bray
You're a horrible person
And a deadbeat pop
You wouldn't bail me out
When I ran over that cop
You bought me diamonds and furs
And Lamborghinis
But you won't bribe the judge
You're such a grumpy old meanie
I'm headed for the slammer
It's not very funny
You ruined my life
Send money
On my seventh birthday
I got five hundred dolls
I called you a monster
Cuz I wanted them all
I stomp and I scream
When I don't get my way
Everything's your fault
I'm gonna make you pay
Don't apologize
And don't call me Honey
You ruined my life
Send money
My credit cards are maxed
I can't pay my bills
Who's gonna cover
My parties and pills?
You're a horrible ogre
And a stupid jerk
You said it's time to grow up
Like you expect me to work
You should support my dreams
Come rainy skies or sunny
You ruined my life
Send money
by Richard W. Bray
The fish wasn't fresh The server was late The "hand squeezed juice" Was frozen concentrate The peas were canned It was domestic cheese The Chardonnay was warm And they didn’t let it breathe I’m such a good person. Can’t you see? The world depends on people like me To maintain decorum and decency The movie was dreadful The plot was stale The acting was wooden An absolute fail The mountains were awful The snow was cold It smelled like pine The rocks were old I’m such a good person. Can’t you see? The world depends on people like me To maintain decorum and decency The novel was stuffy A disgrace to the arts The story was filled With boring parts What a hideous house And don't call me a hater Somebody oughta kill The decorator I’m such a good person. Can’t you see? The world depends on people like me To maintain decorum and decency by Richard W. Bray
Hamster Heart Doctor
We had some plans to meet
You were seven days late
You said your hamster had angina
And your cat had a date
You found a hamster heart doctor
In a faraway state
That’s the best story
You could fabricate
you don’t have say why
don’t make up
another lie
just say goodbye
just say goodbye
We had some plans to meet
But you just weren’t there
You said you couldn’t find your keys
And you had to wash your hair
You really needed a nap
There was nothing to wear
And three of your cousins
Got eaten by a bear
you don’t have say why
don’t make up
another lie
just say goodbye
just say goodbye
by Richard W. Bray
I really like your auto
And the things it can do
We had one just like it
Back in 1962
My car does the dishes
Cooks my eggs and cuts my hair
It even does my taxes
And tells me what to wear
I really like your children
They’re not afraid to fail
They can even dress themselves
And they’ve never been in jail
My daughter goes to Harvard
Can you believe she’s only four?
Her brother just cured cancer
And he put an end to war
I really like your clothing
It’s so 1982
Your Member’s Only jacket
Is the perfect look for you
Everything I wear
Is from Paris or Milan
If the designer isn’t famous
I won’t even try it on
I really like your courage
You’re not afraid to drink
Nasty rustic water
Coming from your kitchen sink
Pure and pristine water
From a Himalayan spring
The Dalai Lama blessed it
It’s the only thing I drink
You’re my inspiration
You’re so gallant and carefree
You have the will to go on living
And you’re not even me
by Richard W. Bray
Walter thinks that someone
Is sleeping with his wife
If he knew it was me
It would mess up his life
I told him not to worry
To shelter him from strife
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
My boss really likes me
And he’s such a great guy
He’s losing lots of money
But he doesn’t know why
If he knew I was embezzling
He would probably die
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
I’ll never tell my wife
That I pawned her diamond ring
She got it from her grandma
And she really loves that thing
But cubic zirconia
Makes some pretty nice bling
It’s considerate to lie
When you’re protecting a friend
Besides, everybody tells
A little fib now and then
by Richard W. Bray
Been searching through philosophy
To find the one that’s right for me
I meditate and think and read
I finally found the perfect creed:
I wanna be, I wanna be
A secular Jew
I really love the Bible
But I don’t think it’s true
The Christians stole their book
Then they said it was old
We give them ghettos and pogroms
They give us comedy gold
Do the Jews have a Pope?
Cuz I was wonderin’ could he
Make me real funny
Like Groucho and Woody?
I wanna be, I wanna be
An outstanding thinker
Like Einstein, Freud, and Popper
Or that hairy-headed Pinker
Anybody out there
Think they got a solution?
Can I appropriate the culture
And skip the persecution?
Where do I sign?
I’ll gladly pay the fee
Is this a club
That would ever welcome me?
by Richard W. Bray
Laughter hope sock in the eye's Blog 