Willie Wystan Widdershins
Craves a crooked course
A crazy road is best for him
But not his baffled horse
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Goes East to journey West
And to his wife’s chagrin he
Makes three rights to take a left
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Often ends where he begins
Going round in circles
Like a fish without fin
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Is guided from within
He wears a happy grin
Always going where he’s been
by Richard W. Bray
I was born to be a grownup
And I really dislike
The senseless sound and frolic
Of a gaggle of tykes
I’m a serious man
I do serious things
Got no time for games
Got no songs to sing
The stupid mirth and vigor
Of a roomful of youth
Annihilate my comfort
Like you’re drilling my tooth
I’m a serious man
I got books to read
Can’t tolerate those noisy
Little buckets of need
Living in a world
Of squalor and pain
Kids can make amusement
But it’s not very sane
So cut the happy hoopla
And the hullabaloo
Be serious like me
And miserable, too
by Richard W. Bray
Etiquette preserves our nation
Manners keep our culture strong
Rules defend our civilization
From hordes of folk who don’t belong
Select utensils one by one
Outside-in from plates and dishes
Don’t scandalize your lovely Mum
With a salad fork to eat your fishes
A striped tie with a checkered shirt
Constitutes a fashion crime
When you dress wrong my eyeballs hurt
No white pants in the wintertime
Don’t wash hands in the kitchen sink
Don’t serve steak with Chardonnay
Match your meals with your drinks
And you’ll make partner some sweet day
Don’t peel your eggs from big end down
Always start with the end that tapers
Don’t eat food that’s hit the ground
Don’t blow your nose with toilet paper
Mind your manners
Follow the rules
Pick the right friends
And pick the right schools
You won’t feel happy
You won’t be free
But you will be
Correct like me
by Richard W. Bray
You can hoodwink. You can fluster
You’re a mighty gifted huckster
You’re a guy who likes to muddle
You’re a walking pile of trouble
You love to mystify and faze
Go find somebody else to daze
Better jump back on your saddle
I ain’t the kind of guy you addle
You won’t catch me in a snoozle
I refusal your bamboozle
You can baffle and confound
It won’t work when I’m around
Hang on to your hornswoggle
My mind ain’t fit to boggle
Your deception will not do
I’ve seen a thousand crooks like you
I ain’t gonna be your chump
You can bet your lying rump
by Richard W. Bray
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t even say my name
This ain’t the time for pestering
My weak and weary frame
Don’t wake me up for anything
My bedroom is a shrine
Don’t disrupt my napping
My stupor is divine
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t halt my brief vacation
No good comes from bedeviling
My blesséd hibernation
Don’t wake me up for anything
I can’t afford to lose
Time set aside for slumbering
Don’t interrupt my snooze
Don’t wake me up for anything
My dreams are grandiose
If the world is ending
Just leave me comatose
by Richard W. Bray
Y’all some
Wine-sippin,
God-hatin,
Tree-huggin,
Baby-killin
Tofu eaters
Hopeless heathen wife-cheaters
Yellow-bellied troop-defeaters
I can tell you who you are
Just by lookin at your car
And the clothes that you wear
And the way you cut your hair
Y’all some
Truck-drivin,
Gun-clingin,
Choir-singin,
Beer-guzzlin
Boo-boo raisers
Redneck mobile home appraisers
Happy when you’re meltin glaciers
I just look at you and shrug
It’s so easy to be smug
We can fuss and fight all day
While they send our jobs away
by Richard W. Bray
I like ’em rich and slightly gray
I thought she was the perfect prey
Just when I thought I had it made
I got punked and she got played
I didn’t know when to be afraid
I maxed her cards and sold her jade
But I couldn’t finish my charade
I got punked and she got played
She treated help like galley slaves
My work was like a small crusade
But when she caught me with the maid
I got punked and she got played
My best laid plans didn’t go so well
Now she’s in jail and I’m in hell
She sure knew how to work that blade
I got punked and she got played
by Richard W. Bray
A crying kid
A hungry hound
Investigators
Asking round
An angry spouse
(That crazy shrew)
And a horny
Girlfriend too
I don’t know what I did
To cause this storm
I need to find a place
That’s safe and warm
Creditors with
Just one goal:
Obliterate
My tortured soul
No savings for
A rainy day
Three or four
Ex-wives to pay
My troubles grow and grow
Against my will
Like a snowball
Rolling down a hill
by Richard W. Bray
Anybody sitting here?
Good Lord, I need a drink
Let me offer you some beer
You can tell me what you think
I’m in here every day
Drinking is my life
Wanna throw it all away
Since I lost my wife
She ran off to Beijing
With my business partner, Ted
She says he’s more exciting
And an animal in bed
So tell me, What’s your story?
It can’t be sad as mine
My father never liked me
And my mother dated swine
My people are afflicted
When it comes to crime
My sister was convicted
And my brother’s doing time
I didn’t catch your name
Would you like another shot?
They tell me I’m insane
I’ve mortgaged all I got
I’ve always been unhappy
You look like you work out
I’m doing pretty crappy
With psoriasis and gout
Didn’t mean to bend your ear
It’s just what I do
I’ve never seen you here
So tell me about you
by Richard W. Bray
You can take a bunch of pills
Drink that whiskey by the cup
But your anguish and your ills
Will survive if you wake up
Can’t hide from the hurt
You gotta love it like a friend
It tells you who you are
It tells you what you gotta mend
You can pack up all that pain
You can shove it down deep
But the hurt will still remain
It’ll surface when you sleep
Can’t hide from the hurt
You gotta love it like a friend
It tells you who you are
It tells you what you gotta mend
You can fill up every day
You can work around the clock
You can play and play and play
You can talk and talk and talk
Can’t hide from the hurt
You gotta love it like a friend
It tells you who you are
It tells you what you gotta mend
by Richard W. Bray
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