Archive for the ‘Poetry for Kids’ Category

What’s a Guy to Do?

August 10, 2010

What’s a Guy to Do?

I took Tammy’s twinkie while she was at a play
Then I made a stinky and discreetly walked away
“What they don’t know won’t hurt them” is what I like to say
Besides, I’ll make it up to them on some future day

I switched Scotty’s toothpaste with some super glue
Though he’s in the hospital, he has a lovely view
If some folks cannot take a joke, what’s a guy to do?
I’m not about to miss such fun just so others won’t be blue

Alex likes to brag about the lunches his mom makes
So I replaced his lunch bag with one full of snakes
You might think that I am mean, but I say, “Them’s the breaks.”
He should learn to be more careful about which bag he takes

Walter wrote a paper that my teacher gave an “A”
Then I filled his desk with dog doo when he went out to play
We all got extra recess so it was a perfect day
It’s really all his fault, you know, for showing off that way

I hate to brag about my brilliance, but it’s simply true
I’ve never gotten caught for all the things I do
People make me angry, so what’s a guy to do?
It’s not my fault that they’re all liars and mean and stupid, too

by Richard W. Bray

Friendly Frank

August 4, 2010

Friendly Frank

Friendly Frank went to the bank
And took out all his money
He gave it away, all in one day
And his wife didn’t think it was funny

He gave some to Becky and more to Steve
And a greater amount to Hank
And some to the teller, and more to the guard
Who worked in that neighborhood bank

“Thank you” he said, “for watching my fortune
When I wasn’t even around
The least I can do is gladly tip you
For keeping it safe and sound”

Frank went on a spree as he happily
Handed out millions of dollars
He felt such glee as he giddily
Made people do yelps and hollers

But when he was done he ran out of fun
And the crowd just withered away
All his new chums decided to run
Finding new places to play

Today Frank lives in an old brown shack
Down at the far end of town
His only friend is a hound named Huck
Nobody else is around

by Richard W. Bray

Maybe

July 31, 2010

Maybe

Maybe I will clean the house
Maybe I will make my bed
Maybe I will write a book
Maybe I will bake some bread

Maybe I will lie around
Maybe I will watch tv
Maybe I’ll go back to bed
Maybe I’ll just let things be

Maybe I will paint the house
Maybe I will do my chores
Maybe I’ll take out the trash
Maybe I will scrub the floor

Maybe I will eat some cake
Maybe I will smell some flowers
Maybe I will play some tunes
Maybe I will dream for hours

Time is all we have to spend
We never get it back
I’m ready for this poem to end
Because I’m late to take my nap

by Richard W. Bray

I Hate

July 27, 2010

I Hate

I hate you cuz the sky is blue
Why can’t you make it green?
Everything you say and do
Is just to make me mean

I hate it when you wear those pants
It makes me feel so fat
Always thinking of yourself
I’ve had enough of that

I hate the way you buy new things
When I am out of money
Don’t you know what pain you bring?
I’ll bet you think it’s funny

I hate to see your smiling face
When you are feeling glad
It’s obvious that you don’t care
For people who are sad

I hate you when you laugh out loud
At folks who are not funny
We know that you are insincere
You just want their money

I hate it when you call your friends
You’re always on the phone
If I had phony friends like you
I’d rather be alone

I hate you morning, noon, and night
You think that you’re so cool
History will prove me right
You’re just a silly fool

by Richard W. Bray

My Funny Farm

July 13, 2010

Monkey Driver

My Funny Farm

My monkey makes my mother mad
He also aggravates my dad
He took his car the other day
And drove it to the Hudson Bay

My kitty cat is kooky too
He likes to strut down to the zoo
And tell the tigers to all stand back
If they don’t want to get attacked

I have a hamster named Houdini
And though he is rather teeny
He’ll quickly pick a thousand locks
You could not hold him in Fort Knox

My kangaroo’s a real joker
Up all night playing poker
His friends come to destroy the house
I think I shoulda’ got a mouse

I got a hippo last July
He really is one swell guy
Everything he does is super
I got a giant pooper scooper

Living on this funny farm
I know my pets don’t mean no harm
But both my parents moved away
And no one wants to come and play

by Richard W. Bray

Myrtle Myers

July 11, 2010

bad seed

Myrtle Myers

Myrtle Myers bought some pliers
At the hardware store
She took them home and all alone
She broke down the door

The next day she found a way
To make the toilet flood
She took a wrench from daddy’s bench
And made a great big thud

Unperturbed, her mother purred
“Well, girls they will be girls
All this rage is just a stage
She has such darling curls”

Then Myrtle took an evil look
At her mother’s dress
It made her think and with some ink
She made a lovely mess

Yet with rage unassauged
She shaved her sister’s head
With kerosene and gasoline
She burned her brother’s bed

Undistressed, her father guessed
“It’s just a child at play
They’re just jealous, those who tell us
To have her put away”

Her parents planned a party grand
Just to celebrate
Her twelfth birthday, and by the way
Myrtle showed up late

No girls nor boys bearing toys
Decided to attend
Although assured the girl was cured
They feared their lives might end

As her family huddled, scared and befuddled
By her piercing stare
Myrtle growled and then she howled
“I publicly declare

“This can’t be true! What did you do
To make them stay away?
You’ll all be blue and live to rue
This catastrophic day!”

Myrtle made a bomb that day
Intending to destroy
Her own home town and miles around
And every girl and boy

But in her hurry, she forgot to scurry
Away from her invention
She’s gone away, I’m sad to say
Results of ill intention

Her parents pleaded all she needed
Was love and understanding
And though it’s true that we all do
Life is more demanding

It takes affection to give direction
And most kids do not mind
Those restrictions and prohibitions
Which seem to some unkind

by Richard W. Bray

Noise Pollution

June 8, 2010

Noise Pollution

Ruben J. Ramos is a tireless worker
And a wonderful husband and dad
Adored and revered by kith and kin
Despite the minor flaw that he had

As soon as he had hit the sack
Ruben began to snore
These nasal spasms were so intense
He once blew off a door

Though his dwelling is reinforced
By the finest Canadian lumber
The house would quake and walls did shake
When he began his slumber

It wasn’t merely Ruben’s house
Which swayed on its foundation
Readings upon the Richter Scale
Alarmed seismologists across the nation

Friends and neighbors offered cures
And various home remedies
He ate raw garlic and slept on his back
And played harmonious melodies

Alas, nothing worked until one day
They came up with a solution
Bankers allow him to sleep in the vault
And there’s no more noise pollution

by Richard W. Bray

Normal

May 6, 2010

Normal

Life is never easy for young Gladys P. O’Shay
And it’s a shilly-shally world that confronts her every day
Cuz’ the planet that she lives on is insane in every way

When she sits down for breakfast wanting bacon, eggs and toast
Her brothers laugh out loud as they chomp down weasel roast
“Why can’t you just be normal like the rest of us?” They boast

Gladys in an outcast and a troublemaker too
And she is the only person in the town of Whackadoo
Who considers it a gaffe to wear her socks outside her shoes

Daily she’s rebuffed by her school’s annoying sentry
For she is the only kid at Lizzie Borden Elementary
Who prefers doors to windows as the proper point of entry

In a world where scholars are less honored than magicians
Gladys is an outcast for eschewing all traditions
Her town has fifty-seven warlocks and only three physicians

Everyone agrees the sun is looking for a bride
So when it’s time for recess and the kids all go outside
Gladys is the only girl who won’t run off and hide

She leaves herself exposed by lying in the grass
And the people are convinced that she’s a crazy little lass
For thinking that the monster’s just a giant ball of gas

All her friends and neighbors think that Gladys is a kook
And her culinary habits trigger strenuous rebuke
For she refuses kitty brains and won’t touch puppy puke

So if you feel like you’re the one who doesn’t quite belong
And everything you do and say seems to come out wrong
Perhaps there is a galaxy where you would get along

by Richard W. Bray

William T. Power

April 26, 2010

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasjacket

William T. Power

If there’s a perfect job for everyone
There’s only one for me
I must be the boss of everyone
And everything I see

The thing that makes me happy
Is telling people what to do
So cook my food and wash my car
Or I will fire you

You say you’re not my servant
That isn’t my concern
Everyone must serve me
And today it is your turn

My feet are awfully dirty
They have calluses and corns
So get on your knees and wash them
Or you will feel my scorn

Don’t make haste; hop to it
I’ve got meetings to attend
It’s senseless to resist me
I will neither break nor bend

Funny thing about this place is
My doors lock from outside
And it seems I must be shackled
Just to take a ride

I demand to have a chat with
The chap who runs this place
Though this outfit is well-organized
The protocol’s a disgrace

A fellow of my stature
Must be held in high esteem
Am I really in the psycho ward
Or is this just a dream?

by Richard W. Bray

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch

April 6, 2010

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, I simply can’t pronounce it
Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, it’s my duty to renounce it
Rough and tough rhyme with stuff
So why does cough rhyme with off?

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, there’s no rule of explanation
Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, it’s just a spelling complication
I ought, I thought, never get caught
Saying bout when I mean bought

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, my English teacher doesn’t care
Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, nobody warns: Speller beware!
If I threw my shoe at you
Would it be true that we are through?

Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, the cranial overload
Owe-Ewe-Gee-Aitch, might just make my brain explode
Though I reach out and grow like a bough
I’ll flunk my spelling test anyhow

by Richard W. Bray