Life is never easy for young Gladys P. O’Shay
And it’s a shilly-shally world that confronts her every day
Cuz’ the planet that she lives on is insane in every way

When she sits down for breakfast wanting bacon, eggs and toast
Her brothers laugh out loud as they chomp down weasel roast
“Why can’t you just be normal like the rest of us?” They boast

Gladys in an outcast and a troublemaker too
And she is the only person in the town of Whackadoo
Who considers it a gaffe to wear her socks outside her shoes

Daily she’s rebuffed by her school’s annoying sentry
For she is the only kid at Lizzie Borden Elementary
Who prefers doors to windows as the proper point of entry

In a world where scholars are less honored than magicians
Gladys is an outcast for eschewing all traditions
Her town has fifty-seven warlocks and only three physicians

Everyone agrees the sun is looking for a bride
So when it’s time for recess and the kids all go outside
Gladys is the only girl who won’t run off and hide

She leaves herself exposed by lying in the grass
And the people are convinced that she’s a crazy little lass
For thinking that the monster’s just a giant ball of gas

All her friends and neighbors think that Gladys is a kook
And her culinary habits trigger strenuous rebuke
For she refuses kitty brains and won’t touch puppy puke

So if you feel like you’re the one who doesn’t quite belong
And everything you do and say seems to come out wrong
Perhaps there is a galaxy where you would get along

by Richard W. Bray

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