Thea Saurus read her first book
When she was only two
Then she perused Ivanhoe
And the Magna Carta, too
She scanned The Life of Johnson
It took about an hour
She finished reading War and Peace
While she took a shower
By the tender age of three,
Miss Saurus earned her PhD
Ontological semiotics is
Her spesh-ee-al-i-TEA
At four she’s Chair of English
At an Ivy college
None question her credentials,
So dazzled by her knowledge
by Richard W. Bray
You’re an eight-faced scoundrel
And a natural-born liar
A fraudulent trickster
And a bully for hire
A backstabbing rascal
And a world-class fraud
Hiding all your mischief
With a friendly facade
A double-dealing sinner
With a mutilated soul
Mendacious commander
Of the lowlife patrol
A hoodwinking devil
Prevaricating cad
A two-timing villain who’d
Swindle your own dad
Perfidious varmint
And an underhanded lout
Your delinquent credentials
Are beyond all doubt
A double-crossing blackguard
And a treacherous sneak
A shiftyshady grifter
Who preys on the weak
I’ll tell the whole world
You’re twelve kinds of stinky
Cuz you’re the dirty scamp
Who took my last twinkie
by Richard W. Bray
You tell me that I’m angry
It’s really not my fault
The world conspires against me
It’s not about to halt
You tell me that my anger
Won’t do me any good
Tell that to those people
Who aren’t acting like they should
You say I should be thankful
For everything I’ve got
Then I couldn’t complain about
The things that I have not
You say I am not helping
By being pessimistic
But nature gave me eyes
And it made me realistic
You tell me that I shouldn’t
See myself as God
A person needs a mentor
Why’s my choice so odd?
You say, “Get out and mingle
You’re a person, not a stone”
From what I’ve seen of people
I’m better off alone
by Richard W. Bray
It can’t be overstated
That dull is underrated
And boring is sublime
When you need a project ready
Be thorough, slow, and steady
Work and time will make it shine
Don’t make your schedule hurly-burly
Hit the sack and rise up early
And you’ll save yourself much strife
If you’re staying out till three
You’ll find a heap of misery
Home’s the place to make a life
Flash and fancy might be funner
But when you need to do it doner
Painstaking effort is the way
Poco a poco is my motto
And until you win the lotto
You should show up every day
by Richard W. Bray
Dishes
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
Did you forget to turn on the machine?
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
Why are they foul and obscene?
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
They s lack all luster and sheen.
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
Why are they yucky moldy green?
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
You look confused; don’t you know what I mean?
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?
by Richard W. Bray
The Easy Way
My friend Sal looks really great
From fifteen years of lifting weight
I got buff the easy way
Photoshop in just one day
Credit cards are awfully nice
Until you have to pay the price
One day they hauled my stuff away
For buying things the easy way
My septic tank began to spew
I fixed it with some super glue
Then it burst one smelly day
The perils of the easy way
When it got too trashed for play
I packed up and moved away
Ain’t it always like I say?
Why not try the easy way?
Manual labor is awfully hard
And why should I clean my new yard?
Why not try the easy way?
And burn my troubles all away
Things don’t always go as planned
That little fire got out of hand
The fire chief hauled me away
For doing things the easy way
by Richard W. Bray
sports shorts
Serve and volley and attack
Whack that ball, I’ll whack it back
I’m about to bust my spleen
The score is only Love-fifteen
My ball’s brown and your ball’s green
Whydya’ hafta’ be so mean?
You just knocked my ball away
Nice guys just shouldn’t play croquet
Run and run and kick the ball
Run some more and take a fall
They kick your knees, they kick your shin
You still go out and run again
Spin and aim and throw and grunt
Putting shot is quite a stunt
But when the shot put’s in the air
Folks around had best beware
Red lines, blue lines guys with sticks
And pucks that feel as hard as bricks
But I can barely tie my skates
A hockey star won’t be my fate
by Richard W. Bray
Likely Stories
I got an alligator
I feed him every day
That’s why friends and neighbors
Never come and play
My buddy got a race car
And drove to Timbuktu
Holler when he’s zooming by
And he will wave at you
My uncle got a rowboat
He takes it to the lake
He don’t catch no fishies
He’d rather eat a snake
My brother got a trumpet
He plays it all night long
He never took no lessons
He only knows one song
My neighbor got a rhino
He keeps it in his yard
We were playing football
It hit me really hard
My teacher got a schoolbook
To teach me how to read
When he tried to teach too much
It made my psyche bleed
My roommate made a rocket
And took it to the moon
He just sent a postcard
He’s coming back in June
My sister got a scooter
She took it to the zoo
A tiger tried to take it
Got kicked in the wazoo
by Richard W. Bray
Moochers
Hey, watch out!
Here they come
What ya’ got?
They want some
Must be that time of year
Cuz the moochers are all here
They show up at your dwelling
When you’re getting set to eat
Boldly they will tell you
That you owe them all a seat
Once they fill their innards
They’ll discreetly slip away
You’ll be doing all those dishes
While they run around and play
As if your possessions
Really should be theirs
Moochers love to “borrow”
Your money, books and chairs
The dude who recommended
“Never a lender be”
Probably let a moocher
“Borrow” his tv
Yesterday a moocher
Knocked upon my door
And asked if he could come inside
And watch me do my chores
I said that this would seem to be
A silly waste of time
“Watching others work,” he said
“Makes me feel sublime”
I was raised to be unselfish
And always lend a hand
I know that this is right
But I still don’t understand
Those people who would rather
Waste the livelong day
Living off of others
Instead of making their own way
So if you see them coming
Turn off all your lights
And hide down in the basement
Until they’re out of sight
by Richard W. Bray
Not Amused
Was not amused when you used
My shirt to wash your car
You left it thrashed, torn and trashed
An ugly ball of tar
Wasn’t pleased when you seized
My favorite possessions
I can’t believe the way you thieve
You need sophistication lessons
I’m not impressed how you guessed
And opened up my locker
You took the shorts I wear for sports
So I could not play soccer
I’m glad to say you soon will pay
It fills me with elation
I booked you a season with the French Foreign Legion
You really needed a vacation
by Richard W. Bray
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