Posts Tagged ‘Children’s Literature’

Ridiculous Journey

September 25, 2010

Ridiculous Journey

Half way between here and nowhere
My brand new car broke down
So I got out and started walking
Towards the nearest town

I happened across a diner
And decided to stop for some chow
The cat behind the counter
Said only, “Meow, meow.”

I ordered a tuna omelet
With a side of Kitty Bits
I washed it down with milk
I was starting to lose my wits

I paid my bill with catnip
And headed on down the road
In my haste I nearly stepped on
One humongous toad

His name, I guessed, was Ribbit
Or at least it was all that he said
We hopped to the nearest hotel
I slept on a damp lily bed

I was awakened at two in the morning
By various animal sounds
I rushed right down to the desk clerk
Who turned out to be an old hound

I rang the bell for service
The dog stepped into the room
I complained about my problem
He just howled at the moon

Unable to return to my lodgings
I decided to head for my car
Yonder I heard a cock crowing
I knew it wouldn’t be very far

A meerkat guided my journey
My car was easy to find
I started the engine and headed for home
Before I lost my mind

I pulled into my driveway
Now overcome with relief
My dog was there with my paper
It was almost beyond belief

I took the paper from Fido
I was just regaining my grip
When he looked at me and uttered,
“I heard you had quite a trip.”

by Richard W. Bray

The One That Almost Got Away

September 21, 2010

The One That Almost Got Away

Eustace used to yell at Ted
He yelled so loud he lost his head
It rolled and rolled right down a hill
It rolled past Jack. It rolled past Jill
The head continued to pick up speed
And trundled right down to the sea
When it fell in I heard a plop
Sadly for Eustace, it did not stop
The head descended deeper and deeper
Past flounders and sturgeons and past the keeper
Of the gates to a dangerous zone
Where even the bravest won’t venture alone
The head was captured by a squid
Who hoped to feed it to her kid
When a hungry shark tapped it away
It was grabbed by a guppy who wished to play
Sea volleyball with a huge anemone
The head shut its eyes for it couldn’t bear to see
Countless tentacles smacking it round
When all it wanted was to reach dry ground
An eel was getting ready to serve
When a school of piranha caused it to swerve
The head was snatched by a graceful skate
Who was looking for a paperweight
The skate headed home to bring his wife
A conversation piece to spice up life
When the head was snagged by a Dutch fishing boat
(I hardly believe these words I wrote
But I saw it myself, so I know it’s true
Still, let’s keep this all between me and you)
The sailors who took this head from the sea
Decided to send it back home, C.O.D.
A competent doctor was quickly dispatched
Who was able to get the head reattached
Now Eustace rarely raises his voice
He’ll write a note when given the choice

by Richard W. Bray

Trading Cards

September 20, 2010

Trading Cards

Tommy got some trading cards and they were pretty cool
Robots, zombies, aliens—he took them all to school
He traded them to Danny cuz he really liked to deal
For an old lunch box and toaster tarts, he knew it was a steal
Then Carol saw the wondrous cards and said, “They’re so unique!”
Dazzled by the magic cards, the girl could hardly speak
She bartered coat and shoes for those fantastic trading cards
Her barefoot walk home through the snow really wasn’t hard
Carol was renowned for her tremendous sacrifice
The cards increased in value and, indeed, in price
Her phone rang off the hook that night with offers great and grand
A poor young lad named Webster even offered his right hand
Eventually a boy named Bob proposed the perfect bid
For Robert Jacob Winthrop was an enterprising kid
He mortgaged off his parent’s house while they at a show
He’d double his investment before they’d ever know
Bob took all precautions to protect his precious cards
He showed up at school now with six big bodyguards
He commissioned the town blacksmith to build a special box
With a battery of safeguards, including several locks
A youngster they called Rufus asked, “Whatya’ holdin’ there?”
Bob responded hastily “Kid, get away from here!
I’m a famous trader and I have no time for lose
If you don’t get away right now, you’ll really have the blues”
Rufus looked at Bob and said, “It wouldn’t hurt to be nice.
I just want to see the cards that fetched so great a price.”
Bob showed the cards to Rufus who said without suspense,
“But they’re just like the ones I got for fifty-seven cents”

by Richard W. Bray

Heroes

September 14, 2010

Heroes

Although their chances for triumph were slim
Debbie and David and Gertrude and Tim
Set off on their journey with vigor and vim

Across jungles and forests and deserts and seas
Past lions and tigers and dragons and bees
In speedboats, on horses, in planes and on skis

The four were compelled on their eminent quest
To a kingdom of various trials and tests
Through a mystical closet of sweaters and vests

They scuffled with demons and monsters and fiends
And werewolves and vampires and wicked old queens
And goblins and ogres and evil machines

They struggled for decades and centuries and more
They won all their battles and settled old scores
With praises and plaudits and triumphs galore

Our heroes retired, folklore’s great winners
They pardoned the saints and punished the sinners
And still made it back to their families by dinner

by Richard W. Bray

Tock, Tock, Tick, Tick

September 1, 2010

Tick, tick, tock, tock
Take your hamster for a walk
Tock, tock, tick, tick
Twenty miles should do the trick

Fie, fum, foe, fee
Chase a monkey up a tree
Fum, fee, fie, foe
Do not let the ladder go

A, B, C, D
Pick some posies just for me
D, B, C, A
Any color is okay

Flip, flip, flop, flop
Elevator to the top
Flop, flop, flip, flip
Have yourself a happy trip

One, two, three, four
Shoot the ball to raise the score
Two, one, four, three
Time to pass the ball to me

Ding, ding, dong, dong
Sing yourself a happy song
Dong, dong, ding, ding
O what joy the day can bring

by Richard W. Bray

Fear

August 31, 2010

Fear

Bugaboo, bugbear
Who’s afraid?
I don’t care

Hurry, hurry
Run and hide
Worry, worry
Don’t go outside

All day long
Fret and flee
Won’t sing that song
Don’t bother me

by Richard W. Bray

Maybe

July 31, 2010

Maybe

Maybe I will clean the house
Maybe I will make my bed
Maybe I will write a book
Maybe I will bake some bread

Maybe I will lie around
Maybe I will watch tv
Maybe I’ll go back to bed
Maybe I’ll just let things be

Maybe I will paint the house
Maybe I will do my chores
Maybe I’ll take out the trash
Maybe I will scrub the floor

Maybe I will eat some cake
Maybe I will smell some flowers
Maybe I will play some tunes
Maybe I will dream for hours

Time is all we have to spend
We never get it back
I’m ready for this poem to end
Because I’m late to take my nap

by Richard W. Bray

I Hate

July 27, 2010

I Hate

I hate you cuz the sky is blue
Why can’t you make it green?
Everything you say and do
Is just to make me mean

I hate it when you wear those pants
It makes me feel so fat
Always thinking of yourself
I’ve had enough of that

I hate the way you buy new things
When I am out of money
Don’t you know what pain you bring?
I’ll bet you think it’s funny

I hate to see your smiling face
When you are feeling glad
It’s obvious that you don’t care
For people who are sad

I hate you when you laugh out loud
At folks who are not funny
We know that you are insincere
You just want their money

I hate it when you call your friends
You’re always on the phone
If I had phony friends like you
I’d rather be alone

I hate you morning, noon, and night
You think that you’re so cool
History will prove me right
You’re just a silly fool

by Richard W. Bray

Myrtle Myers

July 11, 2010

bad seed

Myrtle Myers

Myrtle Myers bought some pliers
At the hardware store
She took them home and all alone
She broke down the door

The next day she found a way
To make the toilet flood
She took a wrench from daddy’s bench
And made a great big thud

Unperturbed, her mother purred
“Well, girls they will be girls
All this rage is just a stage
She has such darling curls”

Then Myrtle took an evil look
At her mother’s dress
It made her think and with some ink
She made a lovely mess

Yet with rage unassauged
She shaved her sister’s head
With kerosene and gasoline
She burned her brother’s bed

Undistressed, her father guessed
“It’s just a child at play
They’re just jealous, those who tell us
To have her put away”

Her parents planned a party grand
Just to celebrate
Her twelfth birthday, and by the way
Myrtle showed up late

No girls nor boys bearing toys
Decided to attend
Although assured the girl was cured
They feared their lives might end

As her family huddled, scared and befuddled
By her piercing stare
Myrtle growled and then she howled
“I publicly declare

“This can’t be true! What did you do
To make them stay away?
You’ll all be blue and live to rue
This catastrophic day!”

Myrtle made a bomb that day
Intending to destroy
Her own home town and miles around
And every girl and boy

But in her hurry, she forgot to scurry
Away from her invention
She’s gone away, I’m sad to say
Results of ill intention

Her parents pleaded all she needed
Was love and understanding
And though it’s true that we all do
Life is more demanding

It takes affection to give direction
And most kids do not mind
Those restrictions and prohibitions
Which seem to some unkind

by Richard W. Bray

Noise Pollution

June 8, 2010

Noise Pollution

Ruben J. Ramos is a tireless worker
And a wonderful husband and dad
Adored and revered by kith and kin
Despite the minor flaw that he had

As soon as he had hit the sack
Ruben began to snore
These nasal spasms were so intense
He once blew off a door

Though his dwelling is reinforced
By the finest Canadian lumber
The house would quake and walls did shake
When he began his slumber

It wasn’t merely Ruben’s house
Which swayed on its foundation
Readings upon the Richter Scale
Alarmed seismologists across the nation

Friends and neighbors offered cures
And various home remedies
He ate raw garlic and slept on his back
And played harmonious melodies

Alas, nothing worked until one day
They came up with a solution
Bankers allow him to sleep in the vault
And there’s no more noise pollution

by Richard W. Bray