Round the rampant rugged rocks
Rude and ragged rascals run.
—W.H. Auden
Queasy koalas quarrel and quibble
Noisy gnus nag and nibble
Hefty horses heave and hoe
Shameless sheep shop and show
Playful pigs prance and preen
Careful cats cook and clean
Dancing dogs dally and drink
Thirteen thoroughbreds thank and think
Buoyant bunnies broil and bake
Rampant rhinos rush and rake
Slippery seals splash and splish
While wayward weasels wonder and wish
by Richard W. Bray
Annie’s destructful brother
Is a boogerypoopish mess.
Others have botherly brothers,
But Willie’s a vexsome pest.
Annie’s funtastic birthday
Was a jubilatious delight
Till Willie stealthed into her bedroom
Beneath the dimful light.
When the girls were finally sleepish
They detectified Willie’s disguise.
He was costumated in undies.
The girls were were horrorized.
Annie was fully rageistic.
Screamfully, she cried:
“Abandonate this monster.
He must be porchified.”
Her parents wisefully noted
That though they were temptified,
They’d be keeping her boisterly brother.
Annie felt beastish inside.
Richard W. Bray
I got a pebble in my shoe
Don’t know what I’m gonna do
My tootsie cannot take the pain
My tender toes will go insane
It ouches every step I take
I cannot move, for goodness sake
Now I’m gonna sit a spell
And think of ways my pain to quell:
I could wait till it’s not sore
I could crawl forevermore
I could sit and never rise
I could fill the world with cries
I could look on the computer
I could hire a troubleshooter
I could call my family doctor
I could buy a helicopter
I could moan and wail and beg
I could amputate my leg
I just thought what I should do:
I could just remove my shoe
And pour that pebble on the floor…
Now my foot don’t hurt no more
Richard W. Bray
I checked the desk
I checked the drawer
I checked the chair
I checked the door
I checked my suit
I checked my coat
I checked my truck
I checked my boat
Where can they be
Those blasted keys?
Where would I be
If I were keys?
I looked here
And I looked there
I even said
A little prayer
I looked sooner
I looked later
I even checked
My ‘frigerator
Did I put them in my pants?
Or did I leave them in my car?
They can run and they can hide
But they will not get very far
Richard W. Bray
They storm the Earth and stun the Air,
A Mob of solid Bliss—
—Emily Dickinson
of every song
i’ve ever heard,
Sarah Vaughan,
a kitten’s purr,
a crashing wave,
a crooning bird,
the sweetest sound
i ever found
is the bustling clamor
of a full playground
Richard W. Bray
Let’s mosey on down
To the fun end of town
We’ll stretch out the years
Where time disappears
Let’s saunter along
Composing our song
Taking our time
Living for rhyme
Let’s wander a while
Always in style
Forgetting all fears
No worries, no tears
Let’s dally all day
Losing our way
My day won’t be blue
If I spend it with you
Richard W. Bray
My dad was moving boxes
He said, “Give me a hand”
I really need them both
What a curious demand
My boyfriend’s disappointed
Says his team got creamed
What were they doing at the dairy?
I guess that’s why he screamed
A person on the sidewalk
Asked me for some bread
But if I give him money
He could buy a meal instead
My neighbor said her brother
Gets all bent out of shape
He needs a chiropractor
Or perhaps some ankle tape
My friend got dressed up fancy
Said she’s gonna paint the town
Wouldn’t it make more sense
To wear a dusty gown?
I took my sister to the beach
She said, “Let’s catch some rays”
I didn’t buy this bikini
For fishing on the bay
Sometimes folks are careless
And their brains aren’t very keen
People talk so silly
Like they don’t know what words mean
by Richard W. Bray
I didn’t mean it as an insult
When I asked who cuts your hair
I think your hair is perfect
If that’s the style you’re gonna wear
I didn’t mean it as an insult
When I said your kids were foolish
It’s costing me a fortune
That my offspring are so schoolish
I didn’t mean it as an insult
When I asked about your age
Experience breeds wisdom
So you must be sage
I didn’t mean it as an insult
When I called your car a clunker
I’d save a lot of cash
If I got myself a junker
I didn’t mean it as an insult
When I said your house was small
I think it’s rather cozy
I should get one for my doll
It’s really not my problem
If you’re quick to take offense
You might be neurotic
Or maybe you’re just dense
by Richard W. Bray
Who pooped?
You pooped
Guess I gotta scoop poop
Call dog
Haul dog
Happy you’re a small dog
Who pooped?
You pooped
Guess I gotta scoop poop
Feel fine
Canine
You ain’t gotta scoop mine
by Richard W. Bray
You’re an eight-faced scoundrel
And a natural-born liar
A fraudulent trickster
And a bully for hire
A backstabbing rascal
And a world-class fraud
Hiding all your mischief
With a friendly facade
A double-dealing sinner
With a mutilated soul
Mendacious commander
Of the lowlife patrol
A hoodwinking devil
Prevaricating cad
A two-timing villain who’d
Swindle your own dad
Perfidious varmint
And an underhanded lout
Your delinquent credentials
Are beyond all doubt
A double-crossing blackguard
And a treacherous sneak
A shiftyshady grifter
Who preys on the weak
I’ll tell the whole world
You’re twelve kinds of stinky
Cuz you’re the dirty scamp
Who took my last twinkie
by Richard W. Bray
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