Rudely Interrupter
Good friends were talking and sharing their mirth
When in walked a storm of incurable dearth
A salesman by trade and a bother since birth
An insidious creature who slithers on Earth
Rudely Interrupter: his given name
Playing Budinski: his favorite game
Though no one is ever glad that he came
He’ll bug one and all every time just the same
by Richard W. Bray
Personal Responsibility
I said I’d clean the chimney
So just calm down
It’s stupid to complain
It already burnt down
I said I’d fix the fridge
So what’s the big deal?
Food’s all spoiled
Let’s go out for a meal
I said I’d feed the fish
I know I forgot
I’m sorry they’re all dead
But at least I’m not
I said I’d cook dinner
But I’m a busy guy
I hear your stomach growling
I can’t imagine why
I said I’d do the laundry
It’s just as well
I hate to tell ya’
But you really smell?
I said I’d pay the bills
And here you are
Just nagging and moaning
They already took your car
I don’t go around telling people what to do
But you need to grow up, if you want my view
If you want it done right, then do it on your own
By the way, I’m outta’ cash. Could your buddy get a loan?
by Richard W. Bray
It Takes all Kinds
If I’m askance, then you’re askew
I walk crooked, but you do too
Words you say won’t make me blue
Cuz’ I don’t have to be like you
If I like my purple hair,
Or pants inside my underwear,
Or pantaloons that twelve could share
Why should you care what clothes I wear?
If I want to eat some beets,
Or blue bananas and hamster feet,
Or gray tamales with lizard meat
Why would you rue the food I eat?
I don’t care if you eat squid
Or leave an open toilet lid
Don’t need a big list of forbid
To raise a happy, healthy kid
Glad your teeth are jeweled and pearled
And all your nose-hairs have been curled
This simple truth must be unfurled:
It takes all kinds to make a world
by Richard W. Bray
Only the Best for Me
I own every inch of land
Mountains to the sea
It’s clear I should demand
Only the best for me
My pencil box is solid gold
For everyone to see
Of all items bought and sold
Only the best for me
I covet gourmet caviar,
Russian it must be
Don’t you know that I’m a star?
Only the best for me
Cheddar is for peasants
My palate calls for brie
It tastes just right with pheasant
Only the best for me
I prefer a hall of mirrors
To human company
Alone with all my tears
Only the best for me
by Richard W. Bray
Mischief
Kermit’s colorful markers:
A rainbow of selection
He decorates his house
But can’t avoid detection
Tina’s tiny tricycle
Took her up a hill
But when she tried to ride it down
She took a nasty spill
Randy’s homemade rocket
Shot up into space
On board was his puppy
Not easy to replace
Skippy’s super slingshot
Had a range of fifty yards
Replacing all those windows
Is going to be hard
Andrew’s alligator
Was the coolest pet of all
But sooner and not later
It ate up Andrew raw
It’s okay to be a rascal
And bother dads and mothers
But it’s just dumb to break stuff
Or hurt yourself and others
by Richard W. Bray
Jenny’s Jokebox
Jenny bought a Jokebox
At the doodad store
And if you’ve got a nickel
It will make your belly roar
Ya’ hear about the chicken
Who wouldn’t cross the road?
Or the one about the princess
Whose prince became a toad?
There was a kid who dreamed
Of cotton candy at the fair
Who then awoke to find
His pillow wasn’t there
At Christmas Lenny asked for
A thousand pounds of snoo
“Snoo, what’s snoo?” You ask
“Not much. What’s snoo with you?”
Since Jenny got her Jokebox
She’s been rolling in the dough
So if you got a nickel
Then she’s the girl to know
by Richard W. Bray
Please Don’t
Don’t cough in by coffee
Don’t bark up my tree
Don’t scoff at my toffee
Don’t wave at my sea
Don’t hide in my hide
Don’t bumble my bee
Don’t side with my side
Just please let me be
by Richard W. Bray
Whoppers
I’ll never tell you little lies
I’ll only tell you whoppers
Fibs are for the other guys
My lies are all chart-toppers
When I forgot to do my chores
Cleverly, I uttered:
“Typhoon Tom blew off the doors
That’s why my room is cluttered”
When I ate the birthday cake
Purchased for my sister
I blamed it on a hungry snake
I said, “Y’all just missed her”
When I took ten thousand bucks
Earmarked for the poor
I just smiled and said, “Aw, shucks
It just ran out the door”
When I didn’t turn the gas off
And blew up several houses
I blamed it on an army of
Flamethrower-toting mouses
When I didn’t want to eat my peas
It required all my smarts
To claim that peas will make you wheeze
And cause colossal farts
When I wished to meet the star
Who was an awesome dancer
I showed her agent an old scar
And faked that I had cancer
When my dog went next door
And rooted up some posies
I said, “I saw a warthog
With roseys on his nosey?”
I’ll never tell you little lies
I’ll only tell you whoppers
Fibs are for the other guys
My lies are all chart-toppers
by Richard W. Bray
Steve
My name is Steve and I believe
All that I am told
My buddy Bill who lives up the hill
Is a hundred and sixty years old
My neighbor Frank who works at the bank
Is really the king of Siam
My friend Frankie Nicks who picks up my bricks
Once built the Hoover Dam
My tailor Tom who’s always so calm
Is a super secret spy
And my homey Sal who calls himself Al
Owns everything under the sky
My friends all agree that I’m lucky to be
Their favorite trusting friend
Just ask Mr. Wirth, who rules the Earth
He lives just round the bend
by Richard W. Bray
Rupert
Candice bought a robot
At the five-and-dime
All day long the two of them
Had a lovely time
She named the robot Rupert
And she let him loose indoors
With instructions on completing
All her work and chores
Rupert did her homework
With his calculator brain
He also did the dishes
And never once complained
She took him to a party
Where he really stole the show
He danced his robot heart out
Till it was time to go
Friends and Candice dressed him
In her mother’s clothes
With high-heeled shoes and lipstick
And powder on his nose
They sent Rupert to the kitchen
To make them all some treats
He quickly whipped up entrées
A platter full of eats
Gladys said, “Hey Candice,
My toenails need a trim”
Rupert then gave pedicures
To everyone but Jim
Candice soon discovered
There was nothing he couldn’t do
He could clean her house and wash her hair
And polish every shoe
Now Candice is so pampered
She never leaves her bed
She never needs to worry
Her lazy little head
by Richard W. Bray
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