Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread and Tivo (by Mia)

October 28, 2011

Tivo

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread

Ingredients

* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup canned pumpkin
* 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
* 1/4 cup fat free vanilla yogurt
* 2 large egg whites
* 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
* 1 tsp ground cinnamon
* 3/4 tsp salt
* 1/2 tsp baking soda
* 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips
* cooking spray


Preparation

* Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

* Combine first 5 ingredients in a large bowl, and stir well. In a medium bowl, combine flour, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda. Add flour mixture to pumpkin mixture, stirring just until moist. Stir in chocolate chips.

* Spoon batter into a loaf pan coated with cooking spray. Bake for 45-50 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan, then remove. Cool completely on wire rack. Makes 16 slices.

**To make it even healthier, try Splenda instead of sugar! I didn’t want to try it for the first time making it, but the next time I make it I’m going to try this to see how it compares!

Devoid

October 22, 2011

A face devoid of love or grace,
A hateful, hard, successful face,

Devoid

I’ve studied all one needs to know ‘bout every little thing
I’ve scoured the biographies of philosophes and kings
I’ve meditated countless hours on all that I have learned
And I’ve concluded modestly that clearly I have earned
The right to state objectively that all I would proclaim
Is exactly what should be, and wouldn’t it be a shame
If Lilliputian intellects and putrid second-raters
Or lily-livered losers and unmanly imitators
Would dare to think that they possess grit and gut and gall
To interrupt my project for the benefit of all?

Undermined by cowards and their miniscule bereavements
Who could not comprehend the scope of my achievement
Like pesky little gnats, they hindered my attention
Allowing mediocrities to cancel my ascension
These trifling mental midgets who dared to halt my plans
Don’t deserve to share the planet with a real fighting man
They can analyze the metrics until the end of time
And never comprehend the dimensions of their crime
When assessing this fiasco, please do not involve me
For I have every confidence that history will absolve me

by Richard W. Bray

The Road

October 15, 2011

Nemrut_Walk_uphill_in_2006_1389

The Road

road runs uphill
every day
you go out there
every day
logging miles to earn your meals

road runs uphill
every day
if you don’t struggle
every day
you’re probably spinning wheels

road runs uphill
every day
a tilted treadmill
all the way
washing clothes and scraping grills

road runs uphill
every day
and if you stop
to look away
you might end up taking a spill

road runs uphill
every day
so dance your song
all the way
and get your fill before you pay the bill

by Richard W. Bray

The Easy Way

October 8, 2011

The Easy Way

My friend Sal looks really great
From fifteen years of lifting weight
I got buff the easy way
Photoshop in just one day

Credit cards are awfully nice
Until you have to pay the price
One day they hauled my stuff away
For buying things the easy way

My septic tank began to spew
I fixed it with some super glue
Then it burst one smelly day
The perils of the easy way

When it got too trashed for play
I packed up and moved away
Ain’t it always like I say?
Why not try the easy way?

Manual labor is awfully hard
And why should I clean my new yard?
Why not try the easy way?
And burn my troubles all away

Things don’t always go as planned
That little fire got out of hand
The fire chief hauled me away
For doing things the easy way

by Richard W. Bray

sports shorts

October 1, 2011

sports shorts

Serve and volley and attack
Whack that ball, I’ll whack it back
I’m about to bust my spleen
The score is only Love-fifteen

My ball’s brown and your ball’s green
Whydya’ hafta’ be so mean?
You just knocked my ball away
Nice guys just shouldn’t play croquet

Run and run and kick the ball
Run some more and take a fall
They kick your knees, they kick your shin
You still go out and run again

Spin and aim and throw and grunt
Putting shot is quite a stunt
But when the shot put’s in the air
Folks around had best beware

Red lines, blue lines guys with sticks
And pucks that feel as hard as bricks
But I can barely tie my skates
A hockey star won’t be my fate

by Richard W. Bray

Exceptionalism

September 24, 2011

Exceptionalism

Time for you to move
We vanquish all we see
It’s written and it’s manifest
None thwart our destiny

Only fools oppose us
We’ll squash you all like bugs
Those who won’t stand with us
Are the real thugs

Our creed is tried and tested
Our cause is pure and just
We aren’t doing what we should
We do the things we must

We never say we’re sorry
That would make us weak
We know that God is with us
Mighty Glory we shall seek

We’re right because we’re righteous
That makes us good and true
We needn’t bother listening
To anyone like you

by Richard W. Bray

Abandoned

September 17, 2011

Factory_on_Hamilton_Av_Trenton_2021_jeh (1)


Abandoned

For twenty-seven years
I worked the ‘ssembly line
Till traders bought the company
And robbed my pension blind
They crated up the factory
And shipped it overseas
Left fifteen thousand workers
Blowing in the breeze

Been outta work so long
I don’t know what to do
Been double-dealt and curb-kicked
Till my hide is black and blue

Filthy politicians
Say they love the working man
Seeking bribes and kickbacks
From stockbroker hand
Thievin’ doublecrossers
Drove this country off a cliff
Ain’t no golden parachute
For the working stiff

Been outta work so long
I don’t know what to do
Been double-dealt and curb-kicked
Till my hide is black and blue

The folks who run this country
Would sell they mamas’ soul
For a thousand votes
Or thirty bits of gold
The Dream that was America
Is swirling down the drain
This country used to build things
Now we manufacture pain

Been outta work so long
I don’t know what to do
Been double-dealt and curb-kicked
Till my hide is black and blue

by Richard W. Bray

The Perils of Bardolatry: Harold Bloom’s Limited Perception of Hamlet

September 14, 2011
Harold Bloom

The Perils of Bardolatry: Harold Bloom’s Limited Perception of Hamlet

The activity of art is based on the fact that a man, receiving through his sense of hearing or sight another man’s expression of feeling, is capable of experiencing the emotion which moved the man who expressed it.

Leo Tolstoy, What is Art? (178)

The essential function of art is moral. Not aesthetic, not decorative, not pastime and recreation. But moral.

D.H. Lawrence, Studies in Classic American Literature (180)

When Kurt Vonnegut was working on Slaughterhouse-Five, he told movie-producer Harrison Starr that it was going to be an anti-war novel.

“Why don’t you write an anti-glacier book instead?” Starr quipped.

Vonnegut found the comment amusing, agreeing that wars are “as easy to stop as glaciers.” This knowledge did not dissuade Vonnegut from completing his masterpiece because he realized that no work of art could ever rectify the human situation, and only the silliest sort of fool creates a work of art hoping somehow to fix the world. (This is what logicians refer to as assigning an irrelevant goal.)

But literature has its uses. And W. H. Auden notwithstanding, poetry makes all sorts of things happen. Great works of art render our world a lot more beautiful and slightly less confusing.

Harold Bloom, one of America’s most acclaimed literary critics, has released a curious collection of musings on William Shakespeare’s Hamlet entitled Poem Unlimited. According to Bloom, “of all poems” Hamlet is the “most unlimited,” and, as a “meditation upon human fragility in confrontation with death,” the play “competes only with the world’s great scriptures” (3).

Bloom has long been an idiosyncratic critic, cocksure about his own brilliance and emphatic about the singular authenticity of his opinions. His general predisposition towards even the most revered literary figures is often miserly in terms of handing out approbation. For example, Bloom dismisses Matthew Arnold’s oeuvre in one sentence: “Arnold, long admired both for his poetry and for his literary criticism, was not particularly good at either” (The Best Poems of the English Language 684).

And like the notoriously fussy Mikey from the Life Cereal advertisement of my youth, when Bloom finally comes across something that pleases him, he really likes it.

Hamlet remains our world’s most advanced drama, imitated but scarcely transcended by Ibsen, Chekhov, Pirandello, and Beckett. You cannot get beyond Hamlet, which establishes the limits of theatricality. (7).

Of course, Bloom is hardly the first critic to gush over Hamlet.

It is perhaps not necessary to emphasize the quality of the prose in Hamlet. Here are passages which represent the highest point Shakespeare ever reached in this medium….it is the excellence and the importance of the prose which separates Hamlet from, and in many ways above, all the other plays (George H. W. Rylands, Words and Poetry 159).

So Bloom, a devout secularist who considers “Bardolatry” to be “only another name for authentic response to Shakespeare,” is ecstatic about Hamlet (7). This play’s the thing for Bloom, and its eponymous hero is the pinnacle of literary achievement, eliciting rapturous bellows of praise from the usually cantankerous critic:

[Hamlet] himself is a frontier of consciousness yet to be passed (7);

Hamlet always has had nothing in common with his father, his mother and his uncle. He is a kind of changeling…fathered by himself (9);

Hamlet becomes the freest artist of himself in all literature (51);

We cannot play upon him: he is cleverer than we are, and more dangerous (54);

[T]he likes of] whom we have scarcely encountered before (82);

[H]e is more intelligent than you are, whoever you are (88);

[H]e is a mortal god in an immortal play (90);

Hamlet is the truth, insofar as any hero of consciousness can be (96).

Thus inebriated in adoration, Bloom almost completely ignores the enigma at the core of Hamlet’s personality which has confounded and infuriated critics for centuries: Yes, Hamlet is a devilishly clever young man, full of all sorts of wonderful words. But he is also cruel, capricious, and ditheringly indecisive. Indeed, the very expression “playing Hamlet” is a synonym for indecisiveness.

No one could seriously question Bloom’s assertion that Hamlet is a font of fabulous words. But if, as D. H. Lawrence argues, the moral function of art is paramount, then there is no escaping the fact that Hamlet is an abject failure as a man. If Hamlet had simply killed Claudius (the man who murdered Hamlet’s father), so much senseless death and mayhem could have been avoided. The Polonius family—who, whatever their faults, were decent, loyal and loving human beings—is utterly destroyed due to Hamlet’s vacillating stupidity.

Unlike Hamlet, Laertes has no need to navigate a sea of words in order to determine the right course of action. Hamlet himself speaks of Laertes as a “great gentleman,” and Hamlet admires the “bravery of his grief.” Furthermore, the similarity of their plight is not lost on Hamlet, who says of Laertes, “by the image of my cause, I see/The portraiture of his.”

Yet Harold Bloom will have none of it: “Laertes is too absurdly slight to be Hamlet’s ‘second self,’ as many critics aver” (104).

Along with Laertes, the other heroic figure in Hamlet is Horatio. According to Hamlet, Horatio is

A man that fortune’s buffets and rewards
Hast ta’en with equal thanks: and blest are those
Whose blood and judgement are so well commedled
That they are not a pipe for fortune’s finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion’s slave, and I will wear him
In my heart’s core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As i do thee.

Again, Bloom is unwilling to listen, not even to Hamlet:

Though critics have asserted that Hamlet finds qualities in Horatio that are absent from himself, they are plainly mistaken. Hamlet is so various that he contains every quality, while Horatio, totally colorless, has none to speak of (15).

Alan Lerner jested that “The French don’t care what they do actually/As long as they pronounce it properly.” Similarly, Harold Bloom doesn’t care what Hamlet does, actually—whom he berates, whom he stabs, whom he has murdered, whom he brutishly badgers to the point of suicide, how many ways he contradicts himself, how many people die for his indecisiveness—as long as Hamlet collocates his lovely words better than anyone else.

by Richard W. Bray

Tyrant

September 1, 2011

bully

Tyrant

I’m the boss, so listen you
Cuz I’m the one on top
If the sunshine makes me blue
Then you must make it stop

Get up, sit down
Do everything I say
Come here, go there
Now please just go away

Guys like you need guys like me
To keep y’all on track
You’re competent and diligent
It’s leadership you lack

Get up, sit down
Do everything I say
Come here, go there
Now please just go away

I am here to govern you
That’s how life turned out
You must cry when I am blue
And listen when I shout

Get up, sit down
Do everything I say
Come here, go there
Now please just go away

You don’t need to thank me
For long hours and paltry pay
Adversity builds character
You’ll understand some day

Get up, sit down
Do everything I say
Come here, go there
Now please just go away

by Richard W. Bray

Likely Stories

August 27, 2011

gatorkid
Likely Stories

I got an alligator
I feed him every day
That’s why friends and neighbors
Never come and play

My buddy got a race car
And drove to Timbuktu
Holler when he’s zooming by
And he will wave at you

My uncle got a rowboat
He takes it to the lake
He don’t catch no fishies
He’d rather eat a snake

My brother got a trumpet
He plays it all night long
He never took no lessons
He only knows one song

My neighbor got a rhino
He keeps it in his yard
We were playing football
It hit me really hard

My teacher got a schoolbook
To teach me how to read
When he tried to teach too much
It made my psyche bleed

My roommate made a rocket
And took it to the moon
He just sent a postcard
He’s coming back in June

My sister got a scooter
She took it to the zoo
A tiger tried to take it
Got kicked in the wazoo

by Richard W. Bray