Willie Wystan Widdershins
Craves a crooked course
A crazy road is best for him
But not his baffled horse
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Goes East to journey West
And to his wife’s chagrin he
Makes three rights to take a left
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Often ends where he begins
Going round in circles
Like a fish without fin
Willie Wystan Widdershins
Is guided from within
He wears a happy grin
Always going where he’s been
by Richard W. Bray
You’re nasty, unnerving, disgusting, and icky
Revolting, repellent, distasteful and vile
You’re ghastly and grody, repulsive and sickly
You’re someone that I must live to revile
You’re not worth my time and better forgotten
You’re rancid, repugnant, rude, and morose
You’re hellish and horrid and morally rotten
You’re loathsome, disturbing, horrific and gross
You do not agree with all my presumptions
You’re heinous and beastly, obnoxious and wrong
I roundly renounce your detestable gumption
A mental asylum is where you belong
by Richard W. Bray
You can’t send a box of sunshine
You can’t buy a pound of poise
You can’t purchase piles of pleasure
For deserving girls and boys
You can’t load a truck with love
You can’t take a piece of peace
You can’t give a ton of trust
To your nephew or your niece
You can’t hold a heap of hope
You can’t grab a jar of joy
You can’t harness all the happy
That your family might enjoy
You can’t find a font of freedom
You can’t choose a can of cheer
You can’t collect abstractions
But they exist when they are here
by Richard W. Bray
You said that
I was boney
You can’t ride
My pony
You said I
Was a fool
Don’t swim
In my pool
Neener Neener Neener Neener
Neener Neener New
You weren’t nice to me
I won’t be friends with you
You said that
I’m unstable
Don’t come sit
At my table
You said that
I look funny
You can’t
Pet my bunny
Neener Neener Neener Neener
Neener Neener New
You weren’t nice to me
I won’t be friends with you
Maybe I
Should try again
Do you wanna
Be my friend?
Dippy Dippy Dippy Dippy
Dippy Dippy Dappy
Give someone another chance
And you will be more happy
by Richard W. Bray
Skweeples aren’t people
Their foreheads are blue
They eat with their noses
And talk with them, too
Skweeples aren’t people
They laugh with their ears
They sleep upside down
And cry purple tears
Skweeples aren’t people
Their bodies are green
They play in the swamp
And hate to be clean
Skweeples aren’t people
They live in old cars
They drink stagnant water
And eat lice and tar
Skweeples aren’t people
But they love each other
On Saturday night
They all call their mother
People aren’t skweeples
That’s easy to see
I don’t bother them
And they don’t bother me
Skweeples are skweeples
They do what they do
They belong in the open
Not locked in a zoo
by Richard W. Bray
Why swagger, then?
The Gnat’s supremacy is large as Thine —
—Emily Dickinson
I’m an influential person
I’ve got important things to do
I have a giant office
And I don’t have time for you
I’m an influential person
I am big and you are small
I have a slew of little people
Waiting at my beck and call
I’m an influential person
People do the things I say
If you aren’t here to serve me
Then please just go away
Pardon my existence
I don’t mean to waste your time
I’m here to serve some papers
You’ve been accused of heinous crime
Some of your endowments
Are certainly excessive
But your wisdom and compassion
Are not at all impressive
It’s a silly, silly man
Who does not realize
There are no little people
And souls don’t have a size
by Richard W. Bray
I was born to be a grownup
And I really dislike
The senseless sound and frolic
Of a gaggle of tykes
I’m a serious man
I do serious things
Got no time for games
Got no songs to sing
The stupid mirth and vigor
Of a roomful of youth
Annihilate my comfort
Like you’re drilling my tooth
I’m a serious man
I got books to read
Can’t tolerate those noisy
Little buckets of need
Living in a world
Of squalor and pain
Kids can make amusement
But it’s not very sane
So cut the happy hoopla
And the hullabaloo
Be serious like me
And miserable, too
by Richard W. Bray
Etiquette preserves our nation
Manners keep our culture strong
Rules defend our civilization
From hordes of folk who don’t belong
Select utensils one by one
Outside-in from plates and dishes
Don’t scandalize your lovely Mum
With a salad fork to eat your fishes
A striped tie with a checkered shirt
Constitutes a fashion crime
When you dress wrong my eyeballs hurt
No white pants in the wintertime
Don’t wash hands in the kitchen sink
Don’t serve steak with Chardonnay
Match your meals with your drinks
And you’ll make partner some sweet day
Don’t peel your eggs from big end down
Always start with the end that tapers
Don’t eat food that’s hit the ground
Don’t blow your nose with toilet paper
Mind your manners
Follow the rules
Pick the right friends
And pick the right schools
You won’t feel happy
You won’t be free
But you will be
Correct like me
by Richard W. Bray
You can hoodwink. You can fluster
You’re a mighty gifted huckster
You’re a guy who likes to muddle
You’re a walking pile of trouble
You love to mystify and faze
Go find somebody else to daze
Better jump back on your saddle
I ain’t the kind of guy you addle
You won’t catch me in a snoozle
I refusal your bamboozle
You can baffle and confound
It won’t work when I’m around
Hang on to your hornswoggle
My mind ain’t fit to boggle
Your deception will not do
I’ve seen a thousand crooks like you
I ain’t gonna be your chump
You can bet your lying rump
by Richard W. Bray
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t even say my name
This ain’t the time for pestering
My weak and weary frame
Don’t wake me up for anything
My bedroom is a shrine
Don’t disrupt my napping
My stupor is divine
Don’t wake me up for anything
Don’t halt my brief vacation
No good comes from bedeviling
My blesséd hibernation
Don’t wake me up for anything
I can’t afford to lose
Time set aside for slumbering
Don’t interrupt my snooze
Don’t wake me up for anything
My dreams are grandiose
If the world is ending
Just leave me comatose
by Richard W. Bray
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