Posts Tagged ‘Battle of the Sexes’

I can fix him

August 30, 2019

And once they have you, safe and sound,
They want to change you all around.

Dorothy Parker

I can change him
I can fix him
Make him do
Just what I say
I can bend him
I can mold him
Like a big ole
Ball of clay

I’ll carve him up
Like a banana
He’ll be my
Special toy
If you want
To own a man
Treat him like
A little boy

Men are helpless
Men are silly
Men are stupid
Men are weak
I can guide him
I can dress him
I can change
The way he speaks

He don’t know
No better
He’s a senseless
Waste of life
I’ll own the pockets
In his pants
I’ll own his nuts
I’ll be his wife

I’ll put his ass to work
I’ll never let him slip
I’m doing him a favor
Just watch me crack my whip

by Richard W. Bray

Negatory on the Neg

August 26, 2009

A few years ago, while waiting in a supermarket checkout line, I spotted an irresistible article on the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine: 20 Great Ways to Spice up your Sex Life and Drive a Guy Wild. It was a pretty long line and I was able to scan the entire article, which spared me the expense and indignity of actually having to buy it. As a guy, I would say that the most striking thing about the article was that only three of the twenty hints had anything to do with sex per se. As I recall, one recommended a particular position (reverse cowgirl) and another described a fellating technique. The rest of the suggestions were all ridiculous things that would never make any guy horny. My favorite Tip for Spicing up your Sex Life was for a woman to go out and buy some really expensive sheets with a high thread count. Contrary to what we learn from watching the movies, a bed with nice sheets is the ideal place for sex, but you will never hear me, and you are very unlikely to hear any other straight guy, use the expression “thread count.” (And I’ve never heard a guy complain about the condition of his girlfriend’s sheets.)

But the final Hint for Spicing up your Sex Life left me completely baffled. It recommended that a woman should dress to kill, go out with her boyfriend, and “flirt with every guy you see.” Now I know from watching female-oriented talk shows, as well as from painful personal experience, that few things rile a woman as much as when she thinks her man is looking at (much less flirting with) other women.

I have no explanation for why Cosmo would offer women such advice. However, this would certainly confirm Bill Maher’s contention that he reads Cosmo in order to “find out how the enemy thinks.”

So the good people at Cosmopolitan magazine want to exacerbate the tensions between men and women for fun and profit.

What brings this article to mind is Conor Friedersdorf’s recent articles rejecting the Neg, the idea that insulting women is a great way to get them into bed. Friedersdorf valiantly takes issue with a charming young blogger who insists that gently insulting women is not only a good way to get them to have sex with you, but it’s really ok because “some women secretly like being insulted.”

by Richard W. Bray