Laughter hope sock in the eye's Blog

Plum Outta Luck

I got up on Sunday morning after six straight double-shifts
Just another week for an American working stiff
I planned to spend my Sabbath restin’ weary bones
When my wife burst in and shouted in an abusin’ tone:
“Now get your lazy butt out of that comfy bed
I’ve got fifty-seven errands for you to run instead”

It’s time to…

Clean the chimney, mend the roof and then go wash my car.
Stop thinkin’ bout your buddies at that redneck bar
Fix the hammock, scrub the barn and then go paint the fence
How did I marry such a fool without a lick of sense?
Feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you thinka’ boltin’ well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I unhooked the battery from your old red truck

I staggered to the kitchen for my morning cup of Jo
And wondered how my life became this gruesome tale of woe
I did a load of dishes and scrambled me some eggs
How did I get to feelin’ like a dog that always begs?
I gathered up the gumption to tell my darling wife
That I didn’t have the strength to move just to save my life

That’s when she said…

Clean the chimney, mend the roof and then go wash my car.
Stop thinkin’ bout your buddies at that redneck bar
Fix the hammock, scrub the barn and then go paint the fence
How did I marry such a fool without a lick of sense?
Feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you thinka’ boltin’ well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I unhooked the battery from your old red truck

Well I looked up at her and said “This really ain’t the time
I been workin’ myself ragged for every single dime
I’m sorry to disappoint you dear, but I did my best
If you think you could do better, then baby be my guest”
Then I unhooked the battery from my darlin’s car
If anybody calls I’ll be down at my redneck bar

Cuz I won’t…

Clean the chimney, mend the roof and I won’t go wash your car.
I’m busy with my buddies at my redneck bar
I won’t fix the hammock, scrub the barn and I won’t paint the fence
Now I may be a fool, but I least I got the sense
Not to feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you think that you can stop me well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I just hooked up your battery to my old red truck

by Richard W. Bray

Better Than I Ever Dreamed

Well life is short
And death is long
And things can get so bleak
If you don’t have the right someone
To listen when you speak
Somehow I hit the jackpot
When I found this gal
She’s a lover and a confidant
And such a perfect pal

She’s saving her best undies
And other secret sundries
She’s saving her best undies
For me
I’m such a lucky feller
And every day I tell her
She’s just the girl I needed her
To be

Well I’ve searched every corner
Of this rock in space
And I’ve sampled all varieties
Of the human race
I ain’t been disappointed
By all the gals I knew
But this old world ain’t never seen
Love like I have
With you

She’s saving her best undies
And other secret sundries
She’s saving her best undies
For me
I’m such a lucky feller
And every day I tell her
Better than I ever dreamed a gal
Could be

by Richard W. Bray

Your smiling, or the hope, the thought of it,
Makes in my mind such pause and abrupt ease
As when the highway bridgegates fall

—Richard Wilbur, A Simile for Her Smile

Ease

sitting in a bookstore
waiting on your call
wondrin’ where we’re headed
if this thing will work at all
phone is in my lap
book in my right hand
in a town where i’m a stranger
it’s more than I can stand
feel someone approaching
out the corner of my eye
look up and see you coming
and i’m such a happy guy

ain’t nothin’ in this big old world
to help me ease mind
like thinking of the moment
when I knew that you were mine
never thought i’d know such comfort
happiness and ease
like the feeling of contentment
wrapped up in a summer breeze

by Richard W. Bray