Round the rampant rugged rocks
Rude and ragged rascals run.
—W.H. Auden
Queasy koalas quarrel and quibble
Noisy gnus nag and nibble
Hefty horses heave and hoe
Shameless sheep shop and show
Playful pigs prance and preen
Careful cats cook and clean
Dancing dogs dally and drink
Thirteen thoroughbreds thank and think
Buoyant bunnies broil and bake
Rampant rhinos rush and rake
Slippery seals splash and splish
While wayward weasels wonder and wish
by Richard W. Bray
Here’s a fun and simple exercise to help students compose effective titles for academic papers.
1. Group students in threes.
2. Instruct each group to create a list of eight Type A or Type B titles (see below) for popular motion pictures.
Examples:
Balloons: I’m not Leaving this House
Imaginary Friend: No Club for Wimps
Switcheroo: Freaky Mother/Daughter Situation
High Quality H2O: From the Bench to the Starting Lineup
He Nose Who’s Lying: A Man and his Puppet
3. Students turn in lists.
4. Instructor reads titles to entire class and has students guess which movies they refer to.
The title of an academic paper should inform the reader of the paper’s main argument.
Which of the following four titles best announces its paper’s argument?
Cars: Who Needs Them?
Automobiles: An Expensive Waste of Energy
Driving Down your Freeway
Why Automobiles are a Bad Investment
The first title, Cars: Who Needs Them?, tells us the what but not the why of the argument.
The third title, Driving Down your Freeway, might score a few points with old hippy teachers like me by cleverly referencing a Doors lyric, but it doesn’t provide any clues about the paper’s contents.
The fourth title, Why Automobiles are a Bad Investment, doesn’t reveal why cars are a bad investment.
Only the second title, Automobiles: An Expensive Waste of Energy, clearly expresses the paper’s topic and its main argument.
My two favorite strategies for wring a titles for academic papers are:
a) General Idea/Colon/Specific Topic (Argument)
b) Clever Quotation/Colon/Specific Topic (Argument)
Here are some type A titles from this blog:
Listening to the Whirlwind: Theodicy for Deists
The Perils of Bardolatry: Harold Bloom’s Limited Perception of Hamlet
Silent Murmurs: A Funny Teacher Story
Here’s one title where I did it backwards (oops):
An Amusing Teacher Story: Tammy’s Puppy
Here are three titles where I used a dash instead of a colon:
Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys—Some Thoughts on Courage and Freedom
What’s the Matter with Kids these Days?, Part 473—It’s all about the Music, Man
Holden Caulfield—Whimpering Little Phony
Here are some type B titles from this blog:
All the Suffering the World Can Feel: The Pain and the Glory of Graham Greene’s Catholicism
Genius Knows Itself: The Wonderful Words of Emily Dickinson
Ghosts of all my Lovely Sins: Some Thoughts on the Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
The “Oriental Mind”: E. M. Forster’s Fatuous Caricatures of Indians in A Passage to India
Innocence: A Famed American Virtue Demolished in a Wicked Novella by Herman Melville
Of course, this is a blog, so I don’t always feel compelled to devise titles which are suitable for academia.
Here are some titles which include a clever quotation but no specific topic:
The Steaming Complaint of the Resting Beast
We Think by Feeling
Take it Decently
Here are some clever titles that don’t inform the reader specifically what the paper is about:
William Faulkner and the English Language
The Three Types of Irony and an Amusing Teacher Story
Celebrating the Violent Death of a Wicked Man
New Yorker Magazine Buries the Lede in Puff Piece on Education Secretary Duncan
nuh-NUH, nuh-NUH, nuh-NUH, nuh-NUH
The Island of Misused and Abused Words
What’s a War Junkie? Che v Zapata
Why am I so Goofy for Burn Notice?
Confessions of a not-so-Old Curmudgeon
Seinfeld and Gilligan’s Island
And my Thoughts on articles are book reports and other musings which do not necessarily contain thesis statements and thus do not require academic titles:
Some Thoughts on Joseph Sugarman’s Adweek Copywriting Handbook
Some Thoughts on Lyrics on Several Occasions
Some Thoughts on Where I Was From
Some Thoughts on The Spooky Art
Some Thoughts on Alfred Kazin’s America
Some Thoughts on Slaughterhouse-Five
Some Thoughts on Washington Rules
Some Thoughts on The Glass House
Some Thoughts on Primates and Philosophers
Some Thoughts on American on Purpose
Some Thoughts on The New American Militarism
Some Thoughts on The Death and Life of the Great American School System
More Thoughts on The Death and Life of the Great American School System
Some Thoughts on On Writing
Some Thoughts on the Efficacy of DARE-Type Programs and a Funny Teacher Story
Some Thoughts on The God Delusion
On Redundancy, Oxymorons, and Grammatical Correctness
by Richard W. Bray
Which statement is more likely to infuriate Dad?
Sorry Dad, but I wrecked your car.
or
Sorry Dad, but I demolished your car.
Which declaration evinces greater passion?
I enjoy fish tacos.
or
I crave fish tacos.
Which complaint expresses stronger indignation?
That slimy salesman confused me.
or
That slimy salesman bamboozled me.
In each of the above the examples, of course, the second sentence contains the stronger verb. But why?
Like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s famous observation about pornography, I don’t have a concise definition for what constitutes a strong verb, but I know one when I see it. Strong verbs can contain one or more syllable. Strong verbs can be Latin, Greek, Germanic, French, etc. in origin. There is no particular phonology for strong verbs—they can sound rugged or mellifluous.
An imprecise working definition of strong verbs is words that arouse a vivid image and/or a visceral emotional response.
A note on word choice
Effective writing is largely a matter of choosing cogent nouns and verbs. It is important to remember that adjectives and adverbs are weak instruments, not suitable for heavy lifting. Or, to switch metaphors, think of adjectives and adverbs respectively as spice and garnish added to improve flavor and presentation rather than to provide essential nourishment.
When you select ideal nouns, you can sprinkle on adjectives as necessary. (This rule does not apply to William Faulkner.)
Adverbs should be allocated even less frequently than adjectives. Strong verbs obviate the extensive utilization of adverbs. Stephen King admonishes: “The adverb is not your friend” because adverbs “seem to have been created with the timid writer in mind” (On Writing 124).
An exercise for recognizing strong verbs
1. Present the three examples of sentences with strong and weak verbs from this blog post to students.
2. Discuss the importance of strong verbs and the distinction between strong and weak verbs with the entire class.
3. Group students in threes.
4. Provide each group with a different nonfiction article between 500 and 750 words long.
5. Instruct each group to:
a) List all the verbs from the essay. (There should be at least one in every sentence.)
b) Select by consensus the ten strongest verbs from the essay.
6. Each group shares their list of ten strong verbs with the whole class.
by Richard W. Bray
New data in conclusion
A clever or pithy quotation can provide your conclusion with a nice kick, but data belongs in the body of your essay.
In conclusion
This expression is always redundant in a written essay because the reader can see that the paper is coming to an end. Ditto, in closing and finally. In a spoken address, however, such expressions are admissible. They can even single blesséd relief when an ill-received palaverous speech is presented to a bored and restroom-ready audience.
As previously stated
You are padding your paper and then bragging about it—a double Bozo no-no.
Most/many
Only use the expression most when you can support your assertion with data that confirms that the phenomenon to which you are referring occurs with a frequency of at least 50.1%. If you write in your paper that most Americans hate broccoli, then you must provide polling data from the American Association of Vegetable Eaters that backs up your claim. It is otherwise preferable to say that many people dislike the highly nutritious flower head. Even if only three percent of Americans actually detest the vegetable, nine million broccoli-haters are still a lot of people.
Some Commonly abused expressions
Try to instead of try and
This solecism is so commonly uttered in English that it has practically become the standard usage in all but the most refined settings. When writing an essay, however, it is still necessary to use the expression try to do something instead of try and do something. But I expect the linguistic police to throw in the towel on this one some time during the next half century or so.
By and large instead of buy in large
By and large means generally. However, the expression buy in large is correct when followed by the word quantities.
Cut and dried instead of cut and dry
I once heard Executive Assistant District Attorney Mike Cutter use this common faux pas on the long-running NBC drama Law and Order. Cut and dried means done according to a set and planned procedure. When I lived in Mount Baldy and firewood was my only source of heat, my neighbors warned me that if I burned green wood—wood that had not been allowed at least one year to dry out after being cleaved from its roots—I risked clogging my chimney with creosote and burning down the entire neighborhood.
For all intents and purposes instead of for all intensive purposes
For all intents and purposes means effectively, practically, or essentially. I used to have a boss who would routinely use the common blunder for all intensive purposes during staff meetings. I wisely rejected the near-overwhelming temptation to correct him on several occasions.
Whether they are correctly utilized or not or not, the following phrases do not strengthen your argument:
It is widely known that…
The population agrees that…
The fact is that…
It is common knowledge that…
So save your instructor some time, energy, and red ink by excising them before you turn in your final draft.
It is widely known that drunk driving is dangerous.
The population agrees that America is the greatest country ever.
The fact is that there are seven days in a week.
It is common knowledge that Donatello is the coolest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
by Richard W. Bray
1. Have students rate the awfulness of the following scenarios on a scale from one to ten.
2. Pair and share answers while considering the following questions.
a) Who gets hurt? How much?
b) Would you want your mother to know if you did it?
c) What kind of world would it be if everyone acted like this?
3. Full-class discussion led by teacher.
Scenarios
Dumping toxic waste in a Third World country.
Embezzling from a large corporation.
Embezzling from the widows and orphans fund.
Collecting on a false claim from an insurance company.
Quid pro quo sexual harassment.
Plagiarism in a company report.
Copying computer software without permission.
Bribing foreign officials to get a contract in countries where it is a commonly accepted practice.
Bribing a building inspector instead of fixing faulty electrical equipment.
Only hiring people who belong to the same race or the same gender as you.
Omitting side effect information in a published drug trial.
Profiting from child labor.
Profiting from “sweatshop” labor.
Threatening employees with termination if they don’t work unpaid overtime.
“Spamming” strangers in hopes of attracting clients.
“Cold calling” potential clients in their homes during dinner.
Taking office supplies from your employer on a regular basis.
CEOs getting large compensation and bonuses when they are laying off employees and/or cutting worker salaries and benefits.
Managers who routinely pitch fits and scream at employees.
A restaurant owner skimming money from the tips of waiters and busboys.
Richard W. Bray
I have students bring two copies of their rough drafts. While the students are doing their peer reviews, I scan the other copy, looking at the structure of the essays rather than proofreading them. The students are free to proofread one another’s essays.
Directions
1. Turn in one copy of paper to instructor.
2. Take two Peer Review Worksheets.
3. Get into groups of 3-4 Students.
4. Take turns reading papers ALOUD to group.
5. Pass paper clockwise (or counterclockwise if you’re feeling rebellious).
6. Silently read another student’s paper and fill out worksheet.
7. Repeat steps 5 & 6.
Rough Draft Peer Review Sheet
Author: __________________________________________________
Reader:__________________________________________________
Paper Title:_______________________________________________
This paper is ______pages long (excluding Works Cited page)
This paper includes a Works Cited page in MLA format: Yes No
Thesis statement is in paragraph # _____
Copy thesis statement verbatim.
Two enlightening quotations from sources that the author utilized are:
and
Two notable sentences that the author composed are:
and
What is the paper’s strongest feature?
An Amusing Teacher Story
During a discussion about ESP, a student informed the class that he possessed a “sixth scent.” Miraculously, I resisted the temptation to say, “You’re telling me, buddy.” (Life rarely provides such a perfect straight line.)
by Richard W. Bray
It would be redundant to say that Dave was “completely devastated” when his hamster died because there cannot be degrees of devastation. I can be extremely scared by radio reports of zombies in my neighborhood, but it would be inexact to say that I am extremely terrified. Conversely, it would be oxymoronic* to declare that Dave was only “slightly devastated” by the news of his hamster’s untimely demise.
For the poet (by which I also of course mean the novelist) the phrases completely devastated and slightly devastated have all sorts of wonderful possibilities. However, writers seeking precision with their words (students enrolled in a Freshman Composition class, for example) should avoid such phrases.
* George Carlin has helpful lists of redundancies and oxymora in his book Braindroppings
Evaluation
State whether the highlighted portions of the following sentences are redundant, oxymoronic, or grammatically acceptable.
1. I was a tad heartbroken when my wife left me for my younger brother.
2. My aunt is a little bit pregnant.
3. Dresden was totally incinerated by the Allied bombing.
4. Pizza is extremely overrated.
5. My cat was completely dead after the accident.
6. Gertrude was a little bit exhausted after studying six straight hours for her English exam.
7. Osvaldo was completely miserable after he lost the tiddlywinks tournament.
8. The traffic around here is somewhat slow after jai alai matches.
9. Pham was extremely furious when I told her the results from Dancing with the Stars.
10. Ted overdosed slightly on pain medication.
by Richard W. Bray
Coincidence is NOT irony
As George Carlin and others have pointed out, sportscasters, particularly baseball announcers, have an irony problem. Many of them simply don’t understand what the word means. Usually they mistake coincidence for situational irony. For example, an announcer might say,
“It’s ironic that Stubby McGillicutty broke the single season RBI record in Anaheim where Angel great Jackie Fullcup, whose record McGillicutty broke, spent his entire career.”
No. IT’S COINCIDENTAL.
The Three Types of Irony
1) Verbal Irony—Saying what you DON’T mean
Definition: A speaker means something different than, often the opposite of, what she says.
Examples:
“I can’t wait to start writing these forty-seven reports.”
“My walk home was only twenty-three blocks.”
(Note: The terms sarcasm and irony are often used interchangeably, but there is a semantic difference. Sarcasm is meant to insult or cause harm. So strictly speaking, “Great, I forgot my umbrella” is ironic, whereas “You call this a cup of coffee?” is sarcastic.)
2) Situational Irony—The gods are laughing at me by giving me ten thousand spoons when I just need a knife.*
Definition: When the outcome of actions or events is different than the desired or expected result
Examples:
If Dave died because he was allergic to the antibiotics that were supposed to save him, he is not merely a victim of bad luck. There is an oddly perverse poetry in Dave’s plight. Such a phenomenon as situational irony would only occur to a species which has a concept of fairness and a tendency to automatically anthropomorphize Fate.
The Psychic Friends Network went bankrupt due to “unforeseen circumstances.”
(George Carlin’s marvelous book Brain Droppings has some wonderful examples of situational irony, particularly the one about the Kurd who survives a brutal attack by Saddam Hussein at the end of the First Gulf War and escapes over the mountains only to be crushed by an airdropped box of humanitarian aid. If you want to teach Carlin on situational irony, however, be prepared to explain about the Kurds and the first Gulf War and to tell them who Darryl Stingley was.)
3) Dramatic Irony—The reader or audience knows something fictional characters don’t
Definition: When we say something is ironic we almost never mean dramatic irony. Dramatic irony occurs when the reader or audience has important knowledge which is withheld from a character or characters in a story, a movie, or a play.
The most obvious example of this is when the young lady in the slasher flick doesn’t realize that the guy in the hockey mask with the meat cleaver is hiding behind the hot tub—but we do.
Perhaps a more erudite example would be that the audience knows who Oedipus Rex’s parents really are.
* From the song Ironic by Alanis Morissette which can be a good teaching tool because it contains some hits and several misses. (Rain on your wedding day is simply a case of bad luck unless you are having an outdoor wedding in Southern California in June and all your bridesmaids are wearing paper dresses.) The song has been much-derided by English teachers because it contains one example of verbal irony, four examples of situational irony, six examples of bad luck, two examples of stupidity and one example of coincidence.
Evaluation
State whether the following are examples of verbal irony, situational irony, dramatic irony or not ironic in any way.
1. “Oh, great! It’s raining and I forgot my umbrella.”
2. I failed the test because I did not study.
3. Dave’s blood pressure medication gave him a heart attack.
4. Batman doesn’t know that the Joker is waiting for him, but the audience does.
5. Cal Poly Pomona and Cal Poly SLO are both located in California.
6. The box of airdropped humanitarian aid landed on the refugee and killed him.
7. I missed the job interview because I overslept.
8. “Thank you for this ticket, Officer. You just made my day.”
9. Three celebrities died in three separate plane crashes yesterday.
10. “I heard that sun block causes cancer.”
An Amusing Teacher Story (which is in no way ironic)
I made a class of college freshman read Welcome to the Monkey House, a collection of short stories by Kurt Vonnegut. At the end of the quarter we watched some videos of stories from the book which were introduced by the author. Before class a student came up to me and asked how the man in the video could be Vonnegut when it says on the book jacket that he is “our finest black-humorist.” I explained that there are people who practice dark humor and there are also African-American humorists.
Richard W. Bray
A Strategy for Remembering the Difference
between Primes and Composites
Subject: Prime and Composite numbers
Objective: To ensure that students who understand the concept of prime and composite numbers do not mix up the terms.
Whenever I taught prime and composite numbers I noticed that some students who understood the concept mixed up the terms. This misunderstanding caused them to miss all the problems when tested.
I came up with the mnemonic device that numbers are like people. Prime numbers are Picky People who only have one friend while composite numbers are folks who enjoy Company.
Reinforcement: I had the students do a skit in order to increase retention of the concept.
Evaluation: I made up a worksheet so each student could draw prime and composite numbers with their factor friends.
It was a fun lesson that made a nice bulletin board.
An Amusing Teacher Story
Here’s what happened one day when we were reading Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, our core literature novel:
In case you didn’t know, the characters in the story are personified mice and rats. It is a riveting story with several dramatic plot twists.
One morning as we were reading the novel aloud, a mouse—a REAL one—ran across the classroom in full view of the students. This was a very unusual occurrence in our suburban setting. The students were surprised and curious.
“Is that Mrs. NIMH?” they asked.
I smiled and calmly took the class outside to continue reading this wonderful book.
I couldn’t have planned it any better.
A lesson plan for a critical reading of The Interlopers by Saki
Subject: High School English
Objective: Students will demonstrate higher order critical reading and reflection skills
Materials: a class set of The Interlopers, coloring markers, two-by-two sheets of butcher paper.
Lesson:
Students will read the story the night before and come to class with written responses to the following questions:
1) How did you connect personally to the story?
2) What questions would you like to ask the author and/or the characters?
3) What strategies did you utilize to clarify any segments of the story that were unclear to you?
Classroom Activity
a. Teacher groups students
b. Students in each group use their homework to come to a consensus on two statements for each category
c. Group leaders submit written proposals to the teacher who okays them and distributes butcher paper and markers to students
d. Students make posters containing a picture of the scene that best represents the theme of the story, a prediction based on the ending of the story, and the six answers generated from homework assignment
Assessment:
Groups present their posters explaining whether their clarifications, questions, and connections are inferences or evaluations in a question and answer session with the class.
Why I no longer Have Show-and-Tell on the Second day of Class
It was my second year teaching at the university and I had my students bring an item to the second class meeting that represented them, and I had them do a short presentation. Well “Carl” showed up with an old two liter bottle of coke that had been converted into a terrarium. I didn’t think much of it until he volunteered to go first.
He went up to the front of the class and opened up the bottle and reached inside and pulled out a rather large pet black-widow spider named Helen. He let it crawl on his hands, and I swear he even pet it. About this time, the entire class and I moved to the back of the classroom while a large man who had been sitting in front bolted out the door. Carl asked if anyone wanted to hold his “pet” –there were no takers.
I then attempted to walk up to the front and said, This is very nice, can you please put Helen back in her cage? He did without further incident, and the class then got back to normal. A few more people then decided to complete their presentations, and just as we were about to get to work for the evening, I heard a knock at the door and Victor, our large runner, was asking if the spider was gone.
(You can reach Brian at brianslinville@gmail.com)
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