Plum Outta Luck
I got up on Sunday morning after six straight double-shifts
Just another week for an American working stiff
I planned to spend my Sabbath restin’ weary bones
When my wife burst in and shouted in an abusin’ tone:
“Now get your lazy butt out of that comfy bed
I’ve got fifty-seven errands for you to run instead”
It’s time to…
Clean the chimney, mend the roof and then go wash my car.
Stop thinkin’ bout your buddies at that redneck bar
Fix the hammock, scrub the barn and then go paint the fence
How did I marry such a fool without a lick of sense?
Feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you thinka’ boltin’ well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I unhooked the battery from your old red truck
I staggered to the kitchen for my morning cup of Jo
And wondered how my life became this gruesome tale of woe
I did a load of dishes and scrambled me some eggs
How did I get to feelin’ like a dog that always begs?
I gathered up the gumption to tell my darling wife
That I didn’t have the strength to move just to save my life
That’s when she said…
Clean the chimney, mend the roof and then go wash my car.
Stop thinkin’ bout your buddies at that redneck bar
Fix the hammock, scrub the barn and then go paint the fence
How did I marry such a fool without a lick of sense?
Feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you thinka’ boltin’ well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I unhooked the battery from your old red truck
Well I looked up at her and said “This really ain’t the time
I been workin’ myself ragged for every single dime
I’m sorry to disappoint you dear, but I did my best
If you think you could do better, then baby be my guest”
Then I unhooked the battery from my darlin’s car
If anybody calls I’ll be down at my redneck bar
Cuz I won’t…
Clean the chimney, mend the roof and I won’t go wash your car.
I’m busy with my buddies at my redneck bar
I won’t fix the hammock, scrub the barn and I won’t paint the fence
Now I may be a fool, but I least I got the sense
Not to feed the chickens, mow the lawn, and then go stack some wood
I shoulda’ listened when they told me you weren’t any good
And if you think that you can stop me well, you’re plum outta’ luck
Cuz I just hooked up your battery to my old red truck
by Richard W. Bray
Laughter hope sock in the eye's Blog 