Peter Sellers–The one and only Inspector Clouseau
#1 You had a bad week, so I should suffer?
Reb Nachum, from the play The Fiddler on the Roof
The town beggar says this to Tevye, demonstrating an absurd sense of entitlement
#2 Nobody’s Perfect
Man smitten by Jack Lemmon in drag in the movie Some Like it Hot
#3 I’m thinking it over.
Jack Benny from The Jack Benny Show
Armed Mugger Says, “Your money or your life.”
Jack pauses (it’s all about the pause) and says nothing.
Mugger says, “C’mon buddy, I haven’t got all day.”
Jack pauses again and finally says, “I’m thinking it over.”
#4 WTF is moribund?
David Steinberg from classic collegiate routine.
Sorry, can’t find it on youtube, and it would be heretical to attempt to recreate it.
#5 We could sew the ends of our dicks back on.
Benjamin Siegel (played by Eric Roberts) from the HBO movie Lansky
Ben (don’t call me Bugsy) Siegel’s retort when famed (or notorious, depending on your perspective) Jewish mobster Arnold Rothenberg Rothstein tries to recruit the young Jewish hoodlums Siegel and Meyer Lansky by suggesting that they will never be allowed to rise up among the Italian crime organizations. (Screenplay by David Mamet.)
#6 I love wrong numbers
Danny Devito from the movie The War of the Roses.
You’ll have to watch the movie. (My mom reads this blog.)
#7 We’re against it, Ted
Mary Richards from The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Mary’s response when asked by dim-witted newscaster Ted Knight what the network’s position is in an editorial about child abuse
#8 Zat iz not my dog
German man in hotel to Peter Sellers from the movie The Pink Panther Strikes Again
#9 You slut!
Bill Murray from the movie Tootsie
My words cannot adequately describe this marvelous scene, so again, you’ll have to watch the movie.
by Richard W. Bray
Tags: comedy, punchlines
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